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Post by mezzaro123 on Sept 17, 2012 17:30:24 GMT -5
Expect All-Star SHIELD Issue #0.1 posted within the hour.
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Post by mezzaro123 on Sept 17, 2012 17:36:48 GMT -5
SHIELD 0.1 is posted.
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Post by The Wonderful Wachter on Sept 17, 2012 18:15:02 GMT -5
Lots of Spiders running around. Haha. I do like the tie to the Kim Possible mythos with Ron in a super suit though. However, I can't wait for him to become Iron Monkey.
One note because I don't feel like typing up a proper review... It's unholster. Not upholster. Upholstering is for furniture.
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Post by mezzaro123 on Sept 17, 2012 18:17:01 GMT -5
Whoa...I definitely meannt unholster...oops. But thank you.
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Post by All Star Silentking on Sept 17, 2012 18:32:33 GMT -5
I did not know that which is why I didn't point it out during editing. Anyway, I already told you what I thought but I will put it here. I still don't think the team would have stood there while Dr. D almost gets away. Approve of Dr. D's and Ron's upgrades. (What I mean on Dr. D is how he seems much more competent and evil here) Liked that you one of the changes you made was to make Kim seem stronger than the original version of this issue. (Originally, Mezzaro had Kim on the verge of tears when Hill told her to go home. Mezzaro agreed that made her seem too weak) Ron better be glad this Fury doesn't have the complete personality of the movie version. He would have been on the ground in two seconds! All in all, still great and am still waiting for more.
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Post by mezzaro123 on Sept 30, 2012 21:41:40 GMT -5
So SHIELD #1 is written I'm just waiting till tomorrow to post it.
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Post by mezzaro123 on Sept 30, 2012 23:27:57 GMT -5
I don't suppose I can just post it now and pretend like it was posted in an hour and a half?
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Post by mezzaro123 on Oct 1, 2012 19:29:45 GMT -5
It's up!!!! Payback PART 1!!! Keep tuned next time for the exciting Payback finale!
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Post by All Star Silentking on Oct 1, 2012 22:19:51 GMT -5
I finally got around to reading it. It was pretty good and have some interesting things going. The ending was pretty cool and I can't wait for the next issue.
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Post by heroic on Oct 3, 2012 15:16:23 GMT -5
Overall I enjoyed both issues, the .1 was a bit hard to follow but not unreadable. Had to laugh when Kim and Ron made their appearance, didn't see it coming at all and they didn't feel out of place which was a good thing.
Issue one was good for the whole world building that went on with Osborn's part. Also nice to see that in any universe SHIELD will get hacked, it seems to be a universal law.
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Post by mezzaro123 on Oct 3, 2012 15:38:39 GMT -5
Ha! I actually just re-read Ultimate Six a few weeks ago and I think that gave me some inspiration for SHIELD getting hacked. But on the world-building note, my run on SHIELD will deal heavily with the presidential race between Osborn and Lee.
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Post by liquidsword34 on Oct 3, 2012 17:48:02 GMT -5
As with Spider-Man, I don't like the opening summary bits. Summarising events from previous issues is pointless (Since we've read them), and just telling us info about characters like at the start of 0.1 is lazy writing in my opinion. If there was a crossover and it was saying what happened in the other series I could understand, but with just previous issues of the same series or general background it's pointless.
I wasn't a big fan of the 0.1 issue. It seemed very non-descript, like things were just going on. This happened, then this happened, then this happened. There wasn't any emotion or description which made it interesting to read. It seems like Maria's talking to somebody instead of being her inner-thoughts, which makes for a much less interesting read. Maybe it's just the 1st person viewpoint in the present tense, but it just didn't seem to work. Nick also seemed like an incompetent moron, seeing as he doesn't know who Scarlet-Spider is, is supposedly late all the time, and when he asked who Kim was he casually shook her hand before being answered. I get that it'd be boring if Nick was super perfect, but it's hard to suspend my disbelief when Nick does stuff like that. I'm also kind of wodnerign why this was issue 0.1.
The opening of the second issue (Issue 1...this is why I don't do all this 0.1, zero issue etc business) didn't use 1st person perspective and it was MUCH better than anything in 0.1. The speech was well written, powerful and paints Norman as being a powerful and charasmatic man.
Pounces means jumps. Unless this is some sort of Chekhov's gun where Nick is half cat, pounces doesn't work.
the idea of SHIELD being against Osborn becoming president and having to prove he's working with HAMMER is good, but at the same time it's a bit weird. aside from the fact it's a government agency trying to effect an election result, they wouldn't NEED 100% proof he's working with HAMMER. Any evidence would ruin him.
The second issue was much better written, the plot point of SHIELD getting hacked is interesting and Nick didn't seem incompetent, so it was a MASSIVE improvement over the first issue.
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Post by mezzaro123 on Oct 3, 2012 18:12:23 GMT -5
I was giong for kind of "Nick is so good at what he does he can still do it better than anyone else while making these mistakes" kind of thing. I guess it didn't work out that well. It was a .1 issue because it was short, you don't necessarily need it to read the rest of the stories I'll be writing, and it was told from the 1st person making it different frmo the rest of the series. (Mainly because after writing the .1 I decided it wouldn't work for the title.) As for pouncing...yeah, that happens from time-to-time. Sorry about that one, sometimes when I'm trying to be creative I come up with some wierd words cause I ge tbored of using waltz and walk. And thank you on the compliments for my first issue
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Post by All Star Silentking on Oct 3, 2012 18:17:48 GMT -5
I think when Mezzaro was having me edit his .1 issue, I also said that Fury was kind of incompetent. Can't remember if Mezzaro responded on that comment or just the other stuff I said about the issue.
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Post by mezzaro123 on Oct 3, 2012 18:25:43 GMT -5
I'm not sure. I changed some of Fury's stuff after you edited to where I thought it worked. Guess not.
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Post by The Wonderful Wachter on Oct 3, 2012 19:05:45 GMT -5
Since I was the one who handled the review of the first scene... I modified your post and fixed your two uses of endorsed... -_- The third time I've had to make note of that.
ENDORSED!!!
*tears out hair and curls up in a corner, crying that this is a hobby!*
Better than your .1 issue. The revamped speech with my suggestions (wall of text aside) works way better for a universe at large than your initial attempt. The "reveal" with Fury was lackluster though. That's something you should have held off on or made bigger. Not something that's just said (or thought) in this case. I busted out laughing when I read pounced. And I wish you the best of luck with SHIELD trying to grow the world at large.
Though I'm not sure if I missed it... Is this the World SHIELD or United States SHIELD take on it?
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Post by mezzaro123 on Oct 3, 2012 19:17:54 GMT -5
Since I was the one who handled the review of the first scene... I modified your post and fixed your two uses of endorsed... -_- The third time I've had to make note of that. ENDORSED!!! *tears out hair and curls up in a corner, crying that this is a hobby!*Better than your .1 issue. The revamped speech with my suggestions (wall of text aside) works way better for a universe at large than your initial attempt. The "reveal" with Fury was lackluster though. That's something you should have held off on or made bigger. Not something that's just said (or thought) in this case. I busted out laughing when I read pounced. And I wish you the best of luck with SHIELD trying to grow the world at large. Though I'm not sure if I missed it... Is this the World SHIELD or United States SHIELD take on it? I am sorry about endoursed (yes I did that 1 to bug you , I cannot believe I never got around to fixing it. It is technically an American SHIELD, but the have jurisdiction, branches and operatives world-wide, and it is funded by the UN. Take that however you wanna. As for the reveal...I don't remember revealing anything about Fury in that issue. I'm tired and sick (which is why I haven't finished and posted Spideg #9 yet) so it might be slipping my memory right now. Help a brotha out with some clarification?
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Post by The Wonderful Wachter on Oct 3, 2012 19:20:07 GMT -5
Thomas says he was Acting Fury which will confuse anyone who doesn't know what that means.
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Post by mezzaro123 on Oct 3, 2012 23:05:23 GMT -5
Oh that.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Oct 11, 2012 6:45:07 GMT -5
So, I just got the opportunity to sit down and read SHIELD .1 and 1.
Here are some thoughts -
#0.1 - There's a whole lot going on in this issue. Not all of it works very well. As someone said above there's little desicription to let the reader know where they are, what they're reading, who they're reading. So, is Nick Fury African American, White? Is he Chinese? Is he made from Gravy? We got no idea what anyone looks like.
The idea of the ground suddenly opening up and giving the guys a chance to peer in then a massive ship coming out of it. Again, too much, too quickly. How big is the hole. When it opened up, I thought they were still inside the house - so it can't be that big, but suddenly a massive ship flies out. What happened to the topsoil? Where was this hole located?
I think it's indicative of the issue to say you need to slow down a bit. Take your time, work on the details some more. How did the woman in green get in the ship? Is this a different woman in green because last I read she was webbed to the floor?
Not going to lie. Don't particularly like the idea of Kim Possible and Ron Stoppable in a Marvel setting. I get that Disney owns Marvel now, but it's a bit like having Dr Strange team up with Goofy in my eyes. They're of different genres and different tones. We also get a weird sort of third person and first person hybrid towards the end of the issue. Might be something to watch out for.
I mean, these points are probably irrelevant now, as you've posted issue 1 as well but still.
So, onto #1 - Lots of repetition to start off with. You could take lots of stuff out 'This speech, right here, today, right now.' Okay, so, it's today. That's really all you need to say.
Details again, you talk about the Crowd cheering even harder when he says Hello. Were they cheering before? It was never said, only that they were silenced by him clearing his throat. (That's an arseload of text, as well.)
I didn't think government departments were allowed to influence things like elections. It's an interesting path to go down though - I quite like it.
Interestingly, compared to the last issue, not much really happens. Norman says some stuff, Exposition, and the Norman bounds (is that the word you want to use?) into the house to talk to Kingsley.
I'm interested to see where this goes, but I think detail really needs to be higher on the agenda. There's no real sense of place, or of what the characters look like/act like/are like. It's very, very plot driven and the characters are there to say their piece and off they go. I don't feel like I know them in any respect. That's what would get me back to read more - Getting to know and understanding the characters.
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