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Post by mezzaro123 on Aug 25, 2012 15:37:39 GMT -5
You're right, and that's mainly why issue three is mostly third-person. But Vulture's transformation isn't really a big part of the overall story anyways.
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Post by mezzaro123 on Aug 26, 2012 19:00:17 GMT -5
Brand New Day Conclusion is written and up for your enjoyment. From now on I will be starting a regular writing schedule, but CONGRATS! to me for reaching my continuity goal.
I hope everyone enjoys, and there is a lot more to come...
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Post by All Star Silentking on Aug 26, 2012 23:22:33 GMT -5
Only complaint is you killing Kraven. I was expecting him to be part of the Sinister Six. But other than that, it was great. Grats on reaching continuity! Now if you drop your story, people will have to deal with what you wrote. ;D
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Post by beyonder on Aug 26, 2012 23:58:25 GMT -5
George essentially executing Kraven and only getting fired seemed a bit much to swallow to be perfectly honest. The pacing also seemed a bit fast even compared to previous issues. Hopefully that's something that will settle down once you get into a more conventional release schedule.
Overall I have to say I'm very impressed though. There's pretty much no way I would ever be able to get out so many issues in such a short period of time, and still have them come off as quality reads. This run has a ton of potential, and I really look forward to seeing what you have planned from this point on.
Keep up the good work.
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Post by All Star Silentking on Aug 27, 2012 0:11:00 GMT -5
Yeah, I noticed that it was faster pace than normal. And I think the actual length was shorter than the rest. But it was still a good end to the story arc.
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Post by mezzaro123 on Aug 27, 2012 16:58:42 GMT -5
The pacing might have been faster, but the funny thing is, I'm pretty sure that's my second or third longest issue. #2 is my longest, but #3 or 4 might be longer than #6, but #1 remains my shortest clocking in at 1988 words.
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Post by mezzaro123 on Aug 27, 2012 17:01:20 GMT -5
And the reason, which I should probably elaborate on in future issues, that George only got fired was because he was not only an exceptional police officer and this is his only major offense, but also Kraven is a very infamous murderer who, as shown through George's eyes, kills women and children, so it's kind of like if someone were to say murder bin Laden or Hitler in cold blood, nobody would care, but there have to be some re-precautions or it would become the norm.
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Post by All Star Silentking on Sept 1, 2012 2:07:35 GMT -5
Wait, Uncle Ben is alive? How the hell did I miss that part?
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Post by mrp on Sept 1, 2012 2:15:42 GMT -5
“We all see the same things. Life, death, abandonment, sorrow, pain, joy, fear and so much more; these are the things we see every day, but we do nothing to change them. My name is Peter Parker. My parents were murdered in front of my eyes by the King Pin, the most powerful mobster in New York, and I was infected by a radioactive spider. I gained powers, super powers. I’m strong, I’m fast; I can climb walls and I can shoot webs from my wrists. I left my Aunt May and Uncle Ben behind in New York and moved to Denver, Colorado to perfect my technique as a crime-fighter. I’ve donned the mask of a hero, and now my destiny is set in stone: Become a crime-fighter, save Denver, and then avenge my parents’ death at the hands of King Mob. I am Spider-Man, and this is my story…”
from his opening paragraph...
-M
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Post by liquidsword34 on Sept 1, 2012 10:40:29 GMT -5
And the reason, which I should probably elaborate on in future issues, that George only got fired was because he was not only an exceptional police officer and this is his only major offense, but also Kraven is a very infamous murderer who, as shown through George's eyes, kills women and children, so it's kind of like if someone were to say murder bin Laden or Hitler in cold blood, nobody would care, but there have to be some re-precautions or it would become the norm. A cop executing somebody like that wouldn't go unpunished, let alone not even investigated. If a cop fires his weapon in the field there's always a full investigation, but when George kills a man he's just "let go". Sorry, but it just doesn't work that he gets away with that let alone not even being arrested or anything.
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Post by mezzaro123 on Sept 2, 2012 14:17:24 GMT -5
@liquidsword: There are many cases where murderers of women and children are killed by a cop and very little is done to the cop, if anything.
@mrp: It's serialized fiction; if I give you everything you want out of a story in the beginning, then what reason do you have to come back?
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Post by The Wonderful Wachter on Sept 14, 2012 0:25:12 GMT -5
A lot has been said already by this point so I'll keep it simple.
I'd like you to slow down (which you're doing) and take your time to really think about the issue. I get that you're excited and you want to tell your story but you shouldn't let your excitement sacrifice the content. Your series is extremely fast paced and that's not necessarily a bad thing but it is something exceedingly difficult to pull off in this medium. This could have been great as a comic. Loses something when just appearing in the written word. Devil is in the detail and all that. Doesn't hurt to describe people (and actions) more and to keep describing them over time. A comment here, a throw away reference there. Your covering of Spidey's costume was so fast I had to go searching for it.
On the other side of things, I may not agree with what you're using, but you've certainly given the characters identifiable voices. A very difficult thing to do but you've accomplished it.
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Post by heroic on Sept 15, 2012 18:17:38 GMT -5
I've only read the first two issues so far gonna have a look at some more later.
Either way though the overall content of the issues is good and they genuinely feel like a Spider-man story, which you could argue is the most important thing in this type of writing. My only problem is the slight rushed nature of it, so that it comes across a bit too fast in pacing, but better to fast than to slow to look at it in a bright light.
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Post by mezzaro123 on Sept 15, 2012 19:47:05 GMT -5
One week later part 1 is out at about 2300 words. Look forward to Part 2 next weekend I believe.
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Post by liquidsword34 on Sept 15, 2012 20:47:03 GMT -5
Huh? Who let who walk away? The whole George story just seemed to disappear here as well which was disappointing.
It seems very redundant for Peter to ask the reader a question, then ask it out loud. If he has an inner monologue it should give the reader some insight into his thoughts, not just telling us what he's about to say.
It made sense to introduce Curt Connors, but other than saying he exists and is a teacher we learned nothing about him in the first scene where he meets Peter and in my opinion you should've just used the classroom scene. The classroom scene tells us much more (About what he does, his regeneration project, how Peter is clearly impressed by him).
This tells us a lot about Peter and Curt in a very short sentence. It works well. That whole scene was a great usage of Peters thoughts to introduce Curt and tell us about Peter.
Also, as far as I'm aware, a student council doesn't deal with expelling students.
It's a small thing, but "city university" sounds unnatural and generic. Although I REALLY like the Goblin as a mascot. Nice touch!
What's starting? This could've been used to describe what it feels like. Or he might have noticed a change of some sorts. It feels like wasted potential.
Why does it switch to first person here? Harry's thoughts don't have to be used. You could describe an itching on his skin, his body temperature going up, his vision changing (Maybe Goblins see in black and white?). It would tell us something more about the transformation.
You manage to balance the different plots equally and progress all the characters, which is very difficult to do, so well done for that. The story itself is great, but some of the execution seems a bit off and rushed.
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Post by The Wonderful Wachter on Sept 15, 2012 20:50:59 GMT -5
Liquid covered most of my points and I do like the Goblin mascot thing too. I think it's an improvement over your first issues so as long as you keep it up, you're going to continue to grow as a writer.
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Post by mezzaro123 on Sept 15, 2012 20:59:03 GMT -5
Thank you all. Also, I'm not sure if student councils deal with expolsion either...oh well, they do at City U. But yes, my entire thought process behind naming it City U was to be as generic as physically possible. Also, cudoos to everyone liking the Goblin mascot, I wasn't sure how that would be handled.
And, @ls Harry isn't a goblin...
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Post by All Star Silentking on Sept 15, 2012 21:05:51 GMT -5
I liked the issue. It was really great. Can't wait for more! (Nothing else I can add thanks to wachter and Liquidsword...)
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Post by mezzaro123 on Sept 22, 2012 13:34:41 GMT -5
Amazing Spider-Man #8: One Week Later (part 2) is now up! Also includes the first back-up!
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Post by liquidsword34 on Sept 22, 2012 20:44:44 GMT -5
But yes, my entire thought process behind naming it City U was to be as generic as physically possible. But generic isn't good, it makes the story itself seem generic. It's a small thing, but it's Kingpin, not King Pin. A Kingpin is an actual thing the character was named for, a King Pin isn't anything. Aside from that, good issue
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Post by mezzaro123 on Sept 22, 2012 21:05:13 GMT -5
I've touched on this with mrp a little bit and I have to say it's been King Pin since Issue #1. The name King Pin is actually going to be a BIG character thing for King Pin later on. I realize he was named Kingpin because he's a Kingpin, but in this he is the King Pin, because he chose the name Pin to go by for a reason I won't spoil.
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Post by The Wonderful Wachter on Sept 23, 2012 17:22:05 GMT -5
I assumed that about King Pin a bit like Sines Toro over on UDCU. Always thought it was a conscious thing.
Apologies for taking my time to read this...
The Good:
You have a knack for being able to know when to do a scene break and transition.
The Bad:
Though you have that knack, it doesn't hurt to give us a bit more to go. Scenes are brief and while it reads like you plotted panels for a comic book, I' never know what those panels look like.
Semi-Ugly:
I touched up on this when you had me review your speech in SHIELD. Try to turn the caps-lock off when you want to "yell" and get a point across. You can do so much more by describing the action and using limited bolding. When you use caps like that, it's a bit hard on the eyes and distracting. Thus "semi-ugly."
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Post by All Star Silentking on Sept 24, 2012 1:39:06 GMT -5
Spider-Man issue was again good and I loved it. Unlike Wachter, I am not bothered by caps-lock shouting. But Wachter does make a good point about why some people would be bothered by it. Kind of like how your bro was cool with my constant switching of present and past tense but understood how some people were bugged by it.
For your A Spider in Scarlet... I am disappointed with it. Your first error is fortunately one I can forgive and fix. It is the fact that you posted it in the same thread as #8 when we have a board dedicated for these kind of one-shots or mini series. Again, I can forgive it since this was only the first time you made that mistake.
Okay, here is the rest of the review. There were several spelling mistakes that just threw me off and plain distracted me. The fact that some of the thugs had an accent made the spelling mistakes even more obvious. And before anyone asks, no. I did not mistake the spelling mistakes just for Mezzaro showing these guys had different dialects than Reily. I even took some time to see if they were or not. Also, I got the bare plot, but I was confused from the get go as to what the hell was going. I had to think about it after I was done reading. Basically, my main problem was that I was not even sure what the heck was going on. Also, the opener made me assume that it took place after Wachter's third FF prelude. Ending made me think it was a prelude. And does Scarlet have powers or no because you were describing super strength in there.
All in all, IMHO, A Spider in Scarlet is the worst issue you wrote. I am sorry, but I did not enjoy it all. It is not the worst issue ever written, but it needed a lot of work.
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Post by mezzaro123 on Sept 24, 2012 7:28:31 GMT -5
I'm not sure what massive spelling errors you mean, but I'll definitely read through it again to find em.
As for the not posting in the one-shots board...this wasn't a one-shot, it was a backup.
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Post by mezzaro123 on Sept 24, 2012 7:30:02 GMT -5
Scarlet does have some powers, just not ALL of Peters.
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Post by All Star Silentking on Sept 24, 2012 9:27:50 GMT -5
Ah, I must have misread the opener then.
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Post by mezzaro123 on Oct 7, 2012 22:20:51 GMT -5
AMAZING SPIDER-MAN ISSUE #9 HAS NOW BEEN RELEASED! ONE WEEK LATER PART 3!
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Post by All Star Silentking on Oct 8, 2012 12:55:37 GMT -5
It was a good issue. You are definitely taking your freedom with some of the characters, and I don't mind about that. But, there were some spelling and grammar mistake. We all have them sometimes, but I wish that I had time to had actually edited this when you gave it to me. Oh, one last thing. HOLY SH!T, OSBORN HAS THE EXTREMIS ARMOR!
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Post by heroic on Oct 10, 2012 18:58:02 GMT -5
Just finished issues three and four and it has got me looking forward to when I read issue five since Kraven has came to town and also finding out about Spidey's past concerning Kinpin.
The only problem I have, and even then it's not really a problem as I'll explain, is that both these issues didn't have any spidey in them. However with the rate you bring out issues it isn't so bad as you know spidey appearing is just around the corner. And the other point is mostly the character of Peter Parker, who I've always felt is just as important as his superhero identity so an issue or two of just him settling in isn't that much a departure from the actual comics.
Before I begin rambling though I'll just sum it up - Good job, keep it up.
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Post by mezzaro123 on Oct 10, 2012 19:03:54 GMT -5
Well my hopes are to build everything up to the King Pin finale somewhere around December-February. It really just depends on how fast I can write quality issues.
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