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Post by All Star Silentking on Feb 18, 2013 3:07:49 GMT -5
COME FIGHT FOR WHAT'S RIGHT!
Good news everyone! Captain America is almost done! Jordan just has to make some final edits, and then it will be released!
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Post by All Star Silentking on Feb 18, 2013 23:01:29 GMT -5
The first issue of Captain America is finally released! Can't wait for your responses! Also, it is bigger than I was going for, but only by a page. Also, thank you Jordan for helping out with this series. I am not sure I could have finished this without you.
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Feb 19, 2013 17:03:19 GMT -5
The Pros:
Good on grammar and spelling. I'm having trouble finding much to comment on there, so equal credit to you and your proofreader.
Very fast-paced, but it leads to some trouble later that I'll mention in the cons section...
Nailed Captain America and Bucky. Didn't get bogged down with exposition to Cap's backstory.
It is an interesting twist that Cap gets found and rescued by Zemo instead.
The Cons:
The use of footnotes. They're annoying, and they don't really work in this format.
If the doctor had actually been part of the FBI I would have called BS. He wasn't convincing at all. But then again, he really wasn't supposed to be.
The fast pacing gets you into trouble when you just go through the entire rogue's gallery one after the other without any real introduction. It's like a quick montage of everyone Captain America will fight in the series all in one scene. It removes any impact that those characters might have made with their introductions. I honestly think you could have holded off on introducing them until later.
So Cap is found in the ice by his enemies. Then he's revived to fighting condition, given the full information on what exactly has happened, and then told he's going to be executed? I admit it's in character for most of Cap's villains, but I still can't help but count all the ways they're violating the "Things I will never do as an evil overlord" list to the point that it's just silly.
I think that overall, despite not being perfect, this story does accomplish what it needed to do, getting all the nasty exposition and introductions out of the way so hopefully we can get to some action next time. Following.
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Post by All Star Silentking on Feb 19, 2013 17:28:33 GMT -5
Yeah, I was not exactly happy with how fast I went introducing the rogues and tried to put a lampshade over how fast things were going. But, at least I won't have to worry about that later on. Jordan's added the footnotes, so I will let him defend that part. I will admit that I should have read the evil overlord list more carefully especially since I have read it before. Oh, and you are right about holding off introductions for some of the characters. Crossbones is who I am mostly talking about here. He was originally gonna appear in issue 2 but I decided to put him in the end of one. Well, I hope you look forward to next issue. Obviously, we start off with Cap going head to head with the new Red Skull. Hopefully the fight will be enjoyable for everyone.
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Post by jordan on Feb 19, 2013 18:17:51 GMT -5
I will defend footnotes to my grave! Mostly because I love them almost as much as I love semi-colons. But I was attempting to figure out the prose version of an editor's box. I guess it didn't work out as well as I hoped.
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Post by Drake on Feb 19, 2013 22:45:41 GMT -5
The footnotes were a bit awkwardly placed. That's my only issue with that. There were some tense errors. Other than that, grammar was fine. It...I don't know. It just read weirdly. Almost boringly. I think it may just be me, but...never mind. It's just an opinion. My only REAL real issue with this was how unoriginal it felt. Oh, Cap's found by the bad guys? 'Tenth time I've read that (may only be because I used to read a ton of Cap fanfiction). Two Red Skulls? Original. I like that. Bucky pushing Cap into the ocean? Eh...original but not overly so. I really hope there's more uniqueness on the horizon because this didn't get me thinking "All Star Cap." It was more along the lines of "Fanfiction Cap" if you catch my drift.
Anyway, still enjoyable. 7/10. That's good, btw. I use ign's rating system. I'll be reading.
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Post by All Star Silentking on Feb 19, 2013 23:04:04 GMT -5
I never read any fanfics involving Captain America, so it is a more of that someone beat me to it. Two Ref Skulls wasn't original. The original Red Skull was George Maxon although he got killed by Johann in Cap's third issue. Then again, I think it was stated that Maxon was actually a pawn of Johann. Not even gonna defend that last point. Then again, I didn't really defend the second one... Well, I hope you enjoy future ones. Also, if anyone's finds any mistakes involving quotation marks and apostrophes, those might be the site's fault. When this was originally posted all of that got replaced by weird text. I had to go through it all and fix the mistake and I might have accidentally forgot to put in a quotation mark or an apostrophe afterwards. After reading it again today, I noticed one instance where I forgot to do so. Also, any questions related to your Prelude to Avengers, Drake?
Edit: Also, I never heard of a story where Cap was founded by his foes. So again, it is more along the lines of already being beaten to it.
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Post by Drake on Feb 20, 2013 21:07:57 GMT -5
I understand. I hope no offense was taken. I'm only trying to give constructive criticism.
One question, and you should pm me for this, where will Cap be by the time Avengers roles around? And just before for the prelude issue? And by "where" I mean "where and with whom."
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Post by Stardrifter on Mar 8, 2013 18:02:19 GMT -5
My sentiments for this issue are mentioned multiple times throughout it. Too much is happening. It starts off promising, but once you skip to 2013 it just becomes silly. Too many characters, too many facts thrown at Cap.
On the writing front, the prose was a bit stiff at times. I personally don't like when the writer comments on what's happening, which you did once or twice.
I can tell you have a lot of thought put in this and it shows you've thought the story through. I just think this was too much too fast for the first issue.
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Post by ReadingTrance on Mar 25, 2013 19:46:55 GMT -5
I'm a bit late to the party here, but I'll review anyways.
I think everyone has similar thoughts here. Once you skipped to 2013, the story struggled a bit.
However, I enjoyed the beginning and thought it was pretty well written. And you had a few good lines throughout the story that caught my attention. Even if it was slightly lame, the hospital gown line made me smirk a bit.
Not sure why the villains would create a brand new uniform for Cap, but I guess I just don't think like an insane villain.
Looking forward to the second issue which I'm sure will be released soonish.
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