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Post by Drake on Jan 15, 2014 20:06:40 GMT -5
The beginning was my problem.
I guess I missed the characterization in Trance's previous issues. My bad.
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Post by jordan on Jan 15, 2014 20:25:23 GMT -5
It's okay, you're entitled to your own opinions, I was just explaining my stance on things.
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Post by Stardrifter on Jan 16, 2014 0:32:33 GMT -5
I'm in agreement about the beginning being too much. As I read it I realized just how many times you opened stories like that before and how it always feels like you're trying too hard. There are types of stories it fits with, but this wasn't one of them.
I've been trying to curb my spelling criticisms in my reviews, but after Peggy told Steve to "whip that smile" off his face and then to "distribute riffles," well I started imagining Peggy as having a severe speech impediment.
Otherwise it was good. I thought you did fine with the characters. It was interesting to see Steve as a bit of a goof. Not how we normally think of him. Bringing in Man-Thing is interesting as well. Not a combination I would think of, but I see some potential.
All in all I'd say this is my favorite of your recent works. Keep em coming.
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Post by All Star Silentking on Jan 16, 2014 0:51:07 GMT -5
Fun fact, I was gonna bring in Man-Thing but in classic SK fashion it didn't fall through. Jordan was kind enough to give his own spin on my idea.
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Post by jordan on Feb 15, 2014 16:47:56 GMT -5
My Captain America arc is over and I'm pleased with it. I hope you guys like it too, and now it reverts to the much more reliable pen of Reading Trance.
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Post by Stardrifter on Feb 15, 2014 20:00:04 GMT -5
1. You should probably edit the last issue to say 1 of 2 instead of 1 of 3.
2. Rogers.
3. It wasn't a bad issue. Some of the dialogue was off. Not very period accurate. And I hated Red Skulls talk about being evil. But otherwise it was a nice little diversion. Seeing Cap and Steve strengthening their bond was nice.
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Post by All Star Silentking on Feb 15, 2014 21:55:52 GMT -5
Yeah, there were plenty of other spelling/grammar mistakes but Rogers being misspelt as Rodger's caught my eye the most. I was gonna disagree on Drifter's third point, but you did go a bit too far with the "I am evil" speech. I believe that Red Skull recognizes himself as an evil being but I don't think he would go that far. Then again this is an alternate universe, so here is a different why the speech was going too far. It was far more silly than anything else.
The fact that this site encourages alternate takes on characters is why I am not complaining about Man-Thing talking although it is well established that he is mute. But I see no negative effect to the change, I am gonna ignore it. Overall, this was a decent issue although I am curious about how things were suppose to originally gonna turn out. 7.5/10.
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Post by Drake on Feb 16, 2014 12:49:17 GMT -5
This was a much better issue. I had no problem with Red Skull's speech. In fact, I enjoyed it and the little "master of evil" nod.
Rogers. It bears to be repeated.
Everyone was characterized much better this issue, but there was some funky dialogue. There wasn't too much, but some of it really sounded modernized, not like how people talked back then. 8/10
Sorry for any grammar/spelling errors. Typing this from my phone.
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Post by jordan on Feb 16, 2014 19:21:25 GMT -5
To answer everyone:
1) Is it really Rogers? I feel like I did Rodgers in my first issue, I'll have to look over that again. 2. Really sorry about technical/mechanical issues, I'm not gonna lie, I rushed this issue, but at the end I still feel that it is quality work. 3) The I am Evil speech I feel was not only an accurate, wacky portrayal of Red Skull, but also was a throwback to the way that WWII Era comic villains spoke about themselves int he legitimate comics. I can see how it might of come off wrong.
4. This is to SK, the story was originally going to be very similar to what it was in that issue, I really just condensed Issues #5 & 6 into a single issue. The Man-Thing vs. Cap fight would've been longer and taken most of Issue #5. Peggy and Steve would've had an awkward moment that would've finished off that issue. Issue #6 would've been a lot about Steve and Snyder bonding and the Man-Thing constructs fighting on their side. It would've ended the same way though, with Steve and Man-Thing connecting, seeing that Man-Thing sees himself as a monster because it isn't him but his legacy. It was just those two issues mashed in to one.
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