|
Post by jordan on Jul 16, 2013 13:32:51 GMT -5
Definitely. And for not being good at set up, you're doing a pretty great job.
|
|
|
Post by Drake on Jul 16, 2013 17:07:25 GMT -5
Thanks!
|
|
|
Post by Stardrifter on Aug 10, 2013 14:11:37 GMT -5
New issue has some really screwed up coding. A whole section is in italics and a couple extra ones. It was also too long IMO.
That said, not bad. Some interesting dynamics going on. I like the scenes with the two Captains. Keep em coming.
|
|
|
Post by Drake on Aug 10, 2013 22:19:23 GMT -5
I'll fix the coding right away. I'm really sorry about that!
|
|
|
Post by ReadingTrance on Sept 3, 2013 16:06:21 GMT -5
I liked it. I also agree that it was a bit long. That's why it took me so long to read it. I started it and then forgot to go back and finish it.
A lot of times it seems your characters are speechless or unsure of what to say. It just seems to get a bit repetitive to me sometimes.
However, I enjoyed it. It was a very solid issue.
8/10
|
|
|
Post by Drake on Sept 3, 2013 18:09:41 GMT -5
I liked it. I also agree that it was a bit long. That's why it took me so long to read it. I started it and then forgot to go back and finish it. A lot of times it seems your characters are speechless or unsure of what to say. It just seems to get a bit repetitive to me sometimes. However, I enjoyed it. It was a very solid issue. 8/10 Can you give me an example of the speech problem? I'm curious so I can fix that problem. Also, can you go into more detail about what's repetitive? The speech?
|
|
|
Post by ReadingTrance on Sept 5, 2013 17:15:30 GMT -5
I re-read the dialogue and it wasn't quite as repetitive as I recalled.
It just seemed that a lot of times your characters were 'dumbfounded', 'at a loss for words' or 'didn't know what to say'. Maybe those moments just stood out to me for some reason during my first read through.
|
|
|
Post by Drake on Oct 6, 2013 19:21:03 GMT -5
#5 is up! Please tell me what you thought of the issue and the overall arc! Also, feel free to ask any questions about the title and my (our) future plans.
|
|
|
Post by Stardrifter on Oct 9, 2013 20:17:26 GMT -5
Not a horrible ending or issue. That being said, I have a few critiques. That being said, the first is Captain Americas speech. It was cool to see him giving order, that being said there was a very repetive use of a phrase. It really started to get on my nerves. That being said, maybe some more editing could have helped.
My overall opinion is that you were trying to do too much with this arc. It dragged for quite a while and didn't have a lot of focus. Kang was kinda boring with little build up and barely any pay off to the revelation. Besides some jokes about it, there wasn't any real concern at the end or a sense of what a huge deal it was.
I dunno. I just found it underwhelming. Hopefully now that the origins are done we can get into some tighter stories. Keep em coming.
|
|
|
Post by Drake on Oct 9, 2013 21:51:11 GMT -5
Was the "that being said" a jab at my repeating phrases? If so, I applaud you. It was clever.
Honestly, I agree with what you said. I was trying to do too much, but that's the way everything worked out. However, I do have an argument for the reaction to Kang. The Avengers were on the spot in the middle of battle. They didn't have time to react to it...well, other than physically. I'll admit, it my original draft that I actually didn't show anyone, I had a bit more drama and angst, but it just didn't fit with the story. Also, Mezz was supposed to explore how the whole Kang fiasco impacted Tony in Iron Man, and, well, we all know how that worked out. That being said (haha), I will include the Avengers' reactions to the reveal in Broken.
As you said, the origins are done. Better stuff is coming, specifically Broken. And if you don't like that...well, then you won't like my writing on any story.
|
|
|
Post by Drake on Oct 9, 2013 21:51:36 GMT -5
Also, it's great to have you back reviewing, Star
|
|
|
Post by ReadingTrance on Oct 10, 2013 9:24:50 GMT -5
I enjoyed it. Star makes some solid points. It didn't have the impact at the end I expected, but that could be because I knew who Kang really was all along.
That being said (might as well continue the theme, haha), I did enjoy the well-written action scenes and the epilogues were interesting.
|
|
|
Post by Drake on Oct 10, 2013 17:15:08 GMT -5
I'm glad you liked it, Trance.
|
|
|
Post by Drake on Mar 9, 2014 11:55:55 GMT -5
To celebrate the revitalized life of the site, BROKEN #1 is up!
|
|
|
Post by Drake on Mar 9, 2014 11:58:28 GMT -5
To celebrate the revitalized life of the site, BROKEN #1 is up!
|
|
|
Post by Stardrifter on Mar 9, 2014 17:56:03 GMT -5
Not bad. Kinda short. Hank's turn seems kinda out of nowhere. I feel like it's being rushed a bit. Doing the teammate turning on the team angle needs proper time to setup the team being a TEAM first. I think this should have been saved for a later arc.
Not much else to say. All set up. I don't want to spoil anything, but the fight scene has inspired me to expand on something in my first issue of HC.
Keep em coming.
|
|
|
Post by Drake on Mar 9, 2014 18:02:23 GMT -5
Not bad. Kinda short. Hank's turn seems kinda out of nowhere. I feel like it's being rushed a bit. Doing the teammate turning on the team angle needs proper time to setup the team being a TEAM first. I think this should have been saved for a later arc. Not much else to say. All set up. I don't want to spoil anything, but the fight scene has inspired me to expand on something in my first issue of HC. Keep em coming. It was definitely on the short side. To be honest, the next issue will be around the same length, but after that they'll get longer. If there is one thing I regret from my overarching story, it's that I don't have the time to properly develop Hank. With my plans for my last story (which I really want to tell) it meant I had to rush some development. Everything you would have seen between ASSEMBLE and BROKEN in those three months would have made his "turn" (if it can be called that) much more...acceptable. It's definitely something I'll go down disappointed with, especially as Hank is one of the three main characters to my three-part story. On a more positive note, I will explain why this project is important to him, but that'll have to wait till arc 3. I'm glad I inspired whatever I inspired for you. The opening scene was definitely my favorite. Action's just so incredibly fun to write! All the quips and chaos...loads of fun!
|
|
|
Post by Drake on Mar 9, 2014 18:03:34 GMT -5
I need to restate some things. Hank will be properly developed, but not from ASSEMBLE to BROKEN. Where he goes from BROKEN, however, will make sense and feel natural.
|
|
|
Post by Stardrifter on Mar 9, 2014 18:10:58 GMT -5
Heh you might not like what you inspired when you read it. Let's just say a character is going to voice my own criticism for me. But if it makes you feel any better, it's a problem inherent in all super hero fiction.
|
|
|
Post by Drake on Mar 9, 2014 18:18:07 GMT -5
Well if that doesn't sound ominous....
|
|
|
Post by thetrueelec on Mar 9, 2014 21:36:23 GMT -5
Outside of feeling. Hank comes across as a villain and not really caring for draging out Hank and Jan getting together there isn'tt much to say about this chapter, it's obviously supposed to be set up but it still feels like it's missing something, I just can't work out what.
|
|
|
Post by Drake on Mar 16, 2014 19:48:52 GMT -5
Outside of feeling. Hank comes across as a villain and not really caring for draging out Hank and Jan getting together there isn'tt much to say about this chapter, it's obviously supposed to be set up but it still feels like it's missing something, I just can't work out what. Somehow I missed this. Sorry for not replying sooner! Thanks for reviewing, first of all. Second...Hank's actions are pretty villainous, aren't they? I mean, why would a good man do horrible things? That will be explored in arc 3. For a short answer, one word: obsession. Like Frankenstein. As for Hank/Jan? Who say they're going to end up together? Believe me when I tell you there will be twists and turns, and the end may just surprise you. I can't reply to the "what's missing" but I do believe it's because the chapter is fairly short. Look forward to the story heating up in the next and (especially) third issues.
|
|
|
Post by Drake on Apr 27, 2014 11:44:06 GMT -5
Avengers #7 is up!
|
|
|
Post by thetrueelec on Apr 27, 2014 23:47:27 GMT -5
I liked it, I'm really excited to find out what happens next. I do however think you could do with not always describing how somebody talks, sometimes just saying said or just giving the quote is enough.
|
|
|
Post by Drake on Apr 28, 2014 11:37:03 GMT -5
I think differing version of said spices up writing, but maybe that's just me.
Thanks for the kind review! The story heats up from here!
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 28, 2014 14:39:51 GMT -5
I was told by my Creative Writing teacher that you shouldn't use anything other than Said, or Asked, as the words they speak and the actions they take should convey the emotion and meaning of what you want them to say. Said and Asked should be "Invisible". Having statements like "Yelled" "Announced" etc, is "Lazy writing" because you're telling instead of showing.
|
|
|
Post by Drake on Apr 28, 2014 14:54:12 GMT -5
That's interesting. I'd always been told the opposite. I'll try it out, see how it goes.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 28, 2014 14:56:45 GMT -5
Really? I've always read that you shouldn't use modifiers. Of course, I'm guilty of it sometimes, because, sometimes it just happens, but I try to make a conscious effort to say Said (or says, if it's present tense). I'll try and check out the Broken storyline soon - Just dealing with the usual London Underground Tube Strikes this week.
|
|
|
Post by Stardrifter on May 2, 2014 17:20:34 GMT -5
1. We know why Hank didn't care about finding Bruce like that, but Janet? Did they even check if he was alive? He could have been dead or dying, possibly poisoned, and walked away.
2. The US government would never name a hero on their payroll Radioactive Man.
3. The character development for Tony, while fine, just further moves the character away from ever being claimed for a solo series. It's a bit ridiculous.
Otherwise it was an interesting issue. I do like the reveal of the Ultimates and the possibilities there. And I personally didn't notice nor care about using more than said. I find it dull and repetitive myself if you don't change it up.
|
|
|
Post by Drake on May 2, 2014 21:48:24 GMT -5
1. Bruce couldn't be killed by drugs. Jan knew that.
2. This is based off a comic book. I'm sorry, I can get the other points but this one...? I just don't follow. This is a story based off comic books.
3. Sister Grimm is more likely than not going to claim him, so...yeah.
I'm glad you thought it was interesting. I also am glad you also feel like it gets dull when you use 'said' over and over.
|
|