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Post by Stardrifter on Jun 17, 2014 20:33:04 GMT -5
#1 is up!
It's the start of an origin. Sorry them's the breaks. I do plan to get through the origin as quickly as possible. I'm very interested to see what you guys think of this.
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Post by thejellyfish on Jun 18, 2014 0:43:20 GMT -5
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW! WOOOW! WOW!
I'm hooked. I'm getting a kind of Arrow vibe from it, which I like. Also, this is such a change from what we've been getting in Avengers and New Avengers from Marvel itself, that it draws me in and gets me excited to see what comes next.
It also makes me wonder how much Avengers is gonna change once we get around to that.
To summarize: lot's of fun changes that keep things interesting, great characterization from all the characters introduced so far, this Tony is a welcome change from the Tony of 616, and the formatting is great, I loved seeing the arc reactor thing.
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Post by All Star Silentking on Jun 18, 2014 1:54:38 GMT -5
Agree with Jelly. Can't wait for more! I would say you are my most favorite writer, but MRP just hasn't been writing lately.
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Post by Stardrifter on Jun 18, 2014 18:48:25 GMT -5
Thank you for the kind reviews. I'll be second to mrp any day.
I'm glad you guys liked the "twist" of this take on the character. It's something I'm really looking forward to diving into, especially when it comes to crossovers later on. I expected it to be divisive, so we'll see what people think when more reviews come in.
I'll get my Secret Files up tonight or tomorrow. I think the way I wrote Rhodeys scene in particular will be appreciated more when you see who I envision in the part.
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Post by Sister Grimm on Jun 18, 2014 20:02:42 GMT -5
Hey, that's pretty close to what I was going to do with Rhodey, haha. And you took a lot of cues from the movies, which I enjoyed seeing references to.
The one thing that throws me is the present tense writing, though. I've never been a fan, personally.
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Post by Stardrifter on Jun 18, 2014 20:28:35 GMT -5
We've had discussions on the UDC board about it. Some of us are for it, some against. I personally choose to write that way because I feel it gives the story more immediacy. It makes you feel like you're along for the ride instead of reading something that already happened. Like what your reading is happening in front of your eyes.
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Post by Drake on Jun 18, 2014 20:54:00 GMT -5
I enjoyed it. It wasn't your greatest first issue, but it was well written. I knew the teenage Tony plot twist before reading this because of our past pms, so I couldn't really enjoy that, but I did like your take on Tony and Howard's relationship, even if it's a bit cliche. The Rhodey SHIELD agent thing is definitely cool. Pepper seems like an interesting mix of movie Pepper with Armored Adventures Pepper. Happy was definitely pretty funny in his stereotypical bodyguard behavior. Oh, and the opening scene. Combined with the last scene (which I kind of saw coming), the opening scene was kind of exciting BUT I'm a little tired of the Ten Rings kidnapping Tony/Mandarin being tied to his origin story. I've read like 5 fics with that. I hope there's a twist on the story.
8/10. Good, just not great. I'm excited for more.
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Post by Stardrifter on Jun 18, 2014 21:09:53 GMT -5
Except for the movie, I've not seen or read any origins. So while I am using the Ten Rings, the movie didn't mention Mandarin. And I switched it from Middle East to China. And I haven't read any Iron Man fics except what's been done here.
And yeah the relationship between Tony and Howard is a bit of a cliche, but only as a starting point for people to get a handle on it. It will develop.
I agree it's not my strongest first issue. I struggled between the balance of building character and trying to get through the origin as quick as possible. I'm not sure I found the right balance. But I am generally happy with how it turned out.
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Post by Drake on Jun 18, 2014 23:25:17 GMT -5
I figured you hadn't ripped it off anyone. I was just explaining that for me, it's become a cliche in Iron Man origins. Nothing you could do there.
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Post by All Star Silentking on Jun 19, 2014 1:22:42 GMT -5
I was thinking that this was inspired by Iron Man Armored Adventures. Teenage Iron Man. Ten Rings/Mandarian related to origin story only in a different way.
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Post by Stardrifter on Jun 19, 2014 7:31:52 GMT -5
I looked that up. I had no idea there was a teenage Iron Man cartoon. Apparently my unique idea wasn't so unique. Though from looking at the brief synopsis, The fact that Tony is a teenager is the only major similarity.
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Post by All Star Silentking on Jun 19, 2014 8:24:22 GMT -5
Hence why I said inspired.
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Post by Stardrifter on Jun 19, 2014 8:37:16 GMT -5
I wasn't arguing with you. I was just pointing out how I thought I was being all creative and original and it's been done before. Though I can assure everyone that, unlike the synopsis I read, there won't be a lot of Tony making excuses about where he's been and other secret identity shenanigans. This won't become Smallville...
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Post by All Star Silentking on Jun 19, 2014 8:46:26 GMT -5
So, not like Ultimate Aquaman? Not mocking you or anything, just remembered that a lot of people compared Ultimate Aquaman to Smallville.
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Post by Stardrifter on Jun 19, 2014 10:23:57 GMT -5
I meant in regards to Clark always having to hide his identity, make excuses, or have his identity be discovered only to have a plot device make the person forget.
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Post by thetrueelec on Jun 23, 2014 6:52:12 GMT -5
I really liked this issue, it was probably a bit too fast paced to be great but if it means we get through the origin quickly I won't complain. Also reading Rhodes' scene in Avery Brooks voice made the whole thing awesome, I look forward to many more Rhodey scenes.
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Post by Stardrifter on Jun 23, 2014 8:01:51 GMT -5
Yeah I was envisioning Brooks when I wrote the scene, making it the most fun to write of the whole issue. I've been rewatching Trek the last few months, introducing it to my wife. We're up to season 3 of DS9, so i have Brooks on the brain.
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Post by adrini on Jun 29, 2014 12:13:39 GMT -5
Okay, try two. Writing was good, pacing was good, I liked how the father is believable. He's a father but also responsible for a company. Dialogue was really good, you conveyed a lot. Nice SHIELD tie in. Liked that. The ages are tripping me up. Teen Tony, young adult Pepper. I saw the show and it tripped me up there to. But if anyone can make it work it's you. Great first issue.
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Jul 8, 2014 20:30:57 GMT -5
Sucks when you end up ripping off something you've never heard of, huh?
Unfortunately being a fan of Iron Man Armored Adventures I can't help but draw conclusions between the two. They are still very different. It took me a while to accept a teenage Tony Stark in I:AA and it's still taking me a while here. I:AA had Rhodes and Pepper be the same age as Tony and I think that's why it worked because there were other teen characters to play off of. (The show also had the benefit of having a really awesome Mandarin.) It also helped that the television series seemed to have everything scaled back in age, kind of like a prequel story. Tony Stark as anything but the snarky genius billionaire playboy philanthropist feels wrong, like a completely different character.
I eventually came around to I:AA's version of characters, but I question having Pepper being older and Rhodes being way older. The former being the chief romantic interest I know of, and Rhodes I'm used to being Tony's best friend and confidant.
It's still really early in the story to make a call either way, and the impression of Tony as a lonely mopey teenager when all of his best friends are adults make it difficult for me to get excited for future issues.
To be fair, Rhodes's scene is very badass. Maybe it's partially because I'm working heavily on SHIELD, but I do love his scene. If it seems like I'm complaining a lot, the chapter as a whole was well-written. The present-tense thing bugs me as usual, but your writing is good enough that I can usually ignore it after a few chapters in. I look forward to reading more, especially seeing what you do with Mandarin.
EDIT: My big question is how 'present' is this? Is this just Stark's origin story and it takes place several years ago or should we expect teenage Tony for the present and any future crossover material going on?
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Post by Stardrifter on Jul 8, 2014 20:58:53 GMT -5
The beginning is present day and then flashback jumps to 1 year ago. So present dayish, Iron Man exists and is known.
As for the age issue, a big reason why I wanted to do this is to explore a child prodigy being kind of apart from two worlds. He's too advanced to fit in with kids his age, but despite his intelligence isn't quite mature enough to fit in with adults. But if you think he's going to be a mopey emo teen, you're wrong. He has issues with his father, for certain, but we'll see just how fun loving and charismatic he is already even at a young age.
I appreciate this might not be for everyone, so I appreciate you giving me the chance to win you over. And trust me, Tony won't be the only teenager in the series.
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Post by jordan on Jul 9, 2014 14:33:08 GMT -5
Just because I know that you're a very good writer, I'll give this a few more issues before I criticize it too heavily. I was not a fan of armored adventures, but I'm not sure how much of that is because of the Teenage thing and how much was other factors, but this is definitely bringing me back to that.
With all that said, it was well written. I like seeing the character as a part of two worlds, and soon a third. It's an interesting a unique twist on things, and kind of makes me think of Spider-Man. With all that said, not the biggest fan of the changes, but that doesn't mean they won't grow on me. Keep em coming.
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Post by Stardrifter on Jul 15, 2014 22:53:27 GMT -5
#2 is up!
We're introduced to two more major players. I expect to be through the origin in the next issue or, at worst, the fourth issue. So hang in there kids and we'll get through this together.
I'll update the Secret Files tomorrow as well.
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Post by Drake on Jul 16, 2014 14:20:00 GMT -5
Continuing the good not great....
I liked it, as usual. Tony's developing into a fun character. Howard is certainly more intriguing than he was in issue 1, and I'm curious about the secret Obadiah has to tell Howard, but I assume it's just that a Jericho was stolen. I think this title has all the potential to be your greatest yet, but it's moving too slowly for my liking.
7.5/10
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Jul 16, 2014 16:58:48 GMT -5
I have to disagree with Drake as far as pacing goes. You are right where you should be being only two chapters in. The story so far is excellently paced.
I enjoyed this chapter. Enough is unique about the character interpretations to keep me interested and really the only thing similar to I:AA so far is teenage Tony.
Howard Stark is a nice balance between "perfect, loving Dad" and "cartoonishly negligent." By that I mean he's not either stereotype but somewhere in between, making him more of a realistic character to me.
Obadiah Stane reminds me of the first time I saw the first iron man movie. I had little knowledge of the iron man mythos so Stane's villain reveal took me by surprise then. Here Stane seems like a nice, supporting friend. It's only due to knowledge of the canon that I'm waiting for his sudden but inevitable betrayal.
Pepper hasn't had much character development yet, but she comes across as nice and likeable enough.
Mandarin isn't a stoner Ben Kingsley, so you're already doing better than the movie. Seriously though, his introduction was good. The Mandarin himself seemed a little reserved, as if you let his armies and opulent temple introduce the character instead of his personality, which I think works.
You got Tony's snark in this chapter, but you didn't overdo it. And he did wise up and shut up when appropriate.
Overall a good chapter and I look forward to reading more.
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Post by Stardrifter on Jul 16, 2014 17:10:05 GMT -5
I have very little knowledge of Mandarin. I've never read a comic with him, and I don't really remember much about him from the IM cartoons as a kid. So I wouldn't be surprised if he was quite different than the comic. And I made a point of how grand his teemple is yet he's dressed in simple clothes.
I'm glad you guys are mostly enjoying it.
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Post by Stardrifter on Jul 16, 2014 19:25:37 GMT -5
Secret Files updated. Adversaries added and a new entry in Associates.
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Post by adrini on Jul 18, 2014 14:06:15 GMT -5
Well done.
I liked how you fleshed out the father, and really built that they are trying to keep the company going but loosing a son is still a very hard blow.
Tony's part I put under the category of "expected of needed". Maybe not the most exciting thing but can't tell the story without it. Just how origin stories go.
But over all I enjoyed it, just sorry it took so long for me to get to it.
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Post by Stardrifter on Aug 9, 2014 23:07:02 GMT -5
#3 is up!
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Post by adrini on Aug 10, 2014 13:11:14 GMT -5
He's free! Yay!
Good chapter. Pepper is a lot more believable now, and tony seems to be growing into his own skin. And always love a shield reference.
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Post by Drake on Aug 10, 2014 16:07:25 GMT -5
Yeah, this was my favorite chapter yet. There was some humor, some emotion, so the stakes definitely felt a little higher. I'm just a little confused as to why Mandarin let Tony go. What was he trying to prove? I'm probably just being stupid here, but I just didn't follow it.
Anyway, nice job. 8.5/10
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