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Post by thejellyfish on Feb 1, 2015 3:07:35 GMT -5
Just wanted to put this up.
I've adopted an odd writing process for this series. If anyone is interested, I can share it here.
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Post by Drake on Feb 1, 2015 11:51:49 GMT -5
Sure. I'd love to hear it
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Post by Stardrifter on Feb 1, 2015 13:32:31 GMT -5
100 monkeys at 100 typewriters?
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Feb 1, 2015 13:35:05 GMT -5
Just as a side note:
I still have a very minor reference to James Rhodes being a badass SHIELD agent from Stardrifter's run. If you'd like me to keep that it's fine. Or if you'd rather Rhodes not be SHIELD I can easily edit that out. Completely your call.
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Post by thejellyfish on Feb 1, 2015 15:22:00 GMT -5
DOB, I'll pm you.
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Post by thejellyfish on Feb 1, 2015 15:30:05 GMT -5
100 monkeys at 100 typewriters? That idea is simply preposterous. Typewriters can't connect to the internet.
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Post by All Star Silentking on Feb 1, 2015 16:39:11 GMT -5
100 monkeys on 100 laptops.
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Feb 1, 2015 16:44:50 GMT -5
100 monkeys at 100 typewriters? That idea is simply preposterous. Typewriters can't connect to the internet. You apparently haven't been keeping up with Agent Carter.
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Post by thejellyfish on Feb 2, 2015 1:12:04 GMT -5
Let's talk about that writing thing. Maybe it's not so much odd as it is different. I don't think anyone else here does this, at least.
So, if there's one thing I've noticed of a lot of people who write fanfiction or roleplay is that they will often base appearances on the live action versions (if applicable; for instance, fanfictions based on novels will most likely go the direction of the actual book, ex. Harry Potter or Percy Jackson. Both have movie adaptations [of differing quality] but, most of the good fics, will go for being similar to the books rather than the films). Because comics have so many film adaptations, some writers visualize things as if they were live action.
Rather than do that, I visualize it as a comic. I've started doing it for X-Men as well. I don't picture Robert Downey Jr. walking around, I don't see Channing Tatum or Taylor Kitsch throwing cards. When I picture how Iron Man looks, I picture Daniel Acuna's art. For Astonishing X-Men it's Kenneth Rocafort. But, what voices do the character's have when I write them? With X-Men, this is a little hard, because of Gambit and Nightcrawler. Chris Potter from the 90's series is terrible and I never want anyone to think that that's how a Cajun person talks, because it isn't. And Cristoph Waltz is the only person with an accent similar to Kurt that I can think of. I just try to think of accents in my head or write the characters how I read them. With Iron Man, I have no crazy accents, so it's easier. Basically, I made a voice cast for Iron Man, as if it were a cartoon or motion comic. I also did it because I liked what Star did with his time on Iron Man with the face claims and decided this was a good way to get around "face claims," which I don't like doing.
Adrian Pasdar - Tony Stark (duh) Alison Brie - Pepper Potts (Pepper is younger here and Alison sounds young) Phil LaMarr - Rhodey (I like it) Troy Baker - Scott Lang (Somebody had to sound like Troy Baker) James D'arcy - Jarvis (Okay, yeah. Maybe I like the idea of a younger Jarvis, so I'm doing it here, what are you gonna do about it)
So yeah, that's my "odd" way of writing this series (and in some way X-Men). I like doing it. It makes thing easier to visualize for me while writing.
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Post by thejellyfish on Feb 24, 2015 1:05:33 GMT -5
Iron Man #1 is up!
Two fun facts: 1) It's hard to write a solo series when you've gotten used to writing a team series for a few good months and, 2) Nearly every time I sat down to write this chapter, my laptop would power down due to overheating. It is a dinosaur. I write at night, and it wouldn't make sense to wait a few hours and start writing again because next thing I know it's four o'clock in the morning and I've got stuff to do.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 24, 2015 1:37:51 GMT -5
It was a fun issue. The real Iron Man doesn't banter as much as your version does, but hey, at least you showed that Tony is a very confident guy. I am a little disappointed in how short this issue was, but I'm sure it has a lot to do with computer problems. Rhodey had a good intro, and the part with the intruders was well-written.
This issue: 8.5/10
Keep up the good work, and I can't wait for more!
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Post by Drake on Feb 24, 2015 13:17:46 GMT -5
I liked the issue well enough, but it definitely felt like it was a bit on the short side. However, it did tell a full story, so kudos.
I'm going to go through this scene by scene because I have the time and energy to do so.
1 -Your Tony sounds like Spider-Man. It's not so much the fact that he's making jokes (RDJ makes it clear he can) but his voice reads like Spidey's. He sounds young and his jokes are somewhat funny but definitely immature. This is your take so I'll leave you to it, but in my experience Tony's quips are more intelligent and often a little dirtier as well. -Liked Titanium Man being a putz. Very funny.
2 -More Tony teen/young person-y-ness. -Tony's too nice. Again, it's your take, but I prefer Tony to have an edge to him. That's my bias. -Thought the "jogged out of the closet" with Happy was supposed to be a metaphor at first, and I thought it was a bit over the top but the last line implies otherwise. I do like making Happy gay though. We need more LGBT characters. -Scott's hilarious, definitely the funniest person in the issue. -Your Pepper's good, if a little young sounding like Tony. I like the flirty attitude between them.
3 -Rhodey's bad ass as he should be. -Mandarin's an idiot for sending a trained assassin (or whatever he is) to invade Tony's home in order to invite him to a meeting. I mean, it's such a convoluted plan. Just the fact that he didn't plan for Tony not even being in the house shows how incompetent you're making Mandarin seem. I figure a simple at-the-door messenger or a phone call would suffice. Hell, I think a creepy phone call would've been great! A mysterious voice over the line, dark and foreboding, demanding Tony meet his master. -What's Rhodey doing in Tony's house anyway? Just a nitpick, but it threw me out of the story briefly.
4 -The scene that made me love this issue again...and then go back an "it's decent" attitude. I was really hoping the "oil baron" was an AIM person at first. That would've killed me. Could have been Roxxon at least (if Sister Grimm was willing). -Still, I enjoyed this scene and I can't wait to see what's next.
6.8/10. It was ok IMHO. The voices threw me off at times and some of the plot was contrived. I have a feeling this title will be like X-Men, however, and rapidly improve issue-by-issue.
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Post by Stardrifter on Feb 24, 2015 13:35:54 GMT -5
I didn't ha e a problem with the way Tony was portrayed, but I do agree with most of Drake's points. I think you should have spent some time describing the characters. Besides Pepper, we don't get anything. Not even relative ages.
Some awkwardness here and there. Picked out this line for you: Tony began putting it on while looking at her, looking at her while doing so.
All in all it wasn't bad, but there need to be some more substance. I'm cool and with No origin, but how about some context? How long has he been Iron Man? How does he know Rhodey and what is he doing in his LA home? What is Iron Man's status in the world? Is he liked? Is he approved of by the government? So on and so forth.
Keep em coming.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 24, 2015 20:21:53 GMT -5
Agreed with Star. I wouldn't mind if #2 went out of its way to briefly explain those things. Definitely lay out the groundwork for this title early. Let us see Iron Man/Tony from a regular person's point of view. Does the public like him or hate him? That sorta thing.
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Post by thejellyfish on Feb 26, 2015 1:06:28 GMT -5
Drake:There's a reason Tony's the way he is, with all the quips and stuff. It's revealed next issue, but it's my take on a classic Iron Man story. As far as I'm concerned, as long as Tony is the smartest and best looking guy in the room, then he is in character. He doesn't need to prove how smart he is to these people, they're his friends and they know how smart he is. However, being the best looking person is gonna be a bit of a challenge, especially once he meets Gambit and the rest of the X-Men later in the run (Whoopsie ). I could have worded the closet thing better. But in my defense, they were literally in a closet. I didn't know what else to put. Mandarin's got other, more important things on his mind at the moment. Case in point, the stuff he wants to meet with Tony about. Okay, so I meant to put this in, I swear. Computer overheated when I was about to put it in and I went to sleep and when I picked it up again the next day, I guess I forgot. Rhodey is in Los Angeles because Tony doesn't like leaving one coast unprotected while he's not there. I'll go into more detail on this during the next chapter as reparation. I haven't seen Grimm here in a while. I would've asked otherwise. For now, oil baron is just an oil baron. Baron-ing over his oil (and his daughter). Star:The redundancy stuff is my bad. Woops. Pepper is the youngest of the main cast, at 22. Jarvis is the oldest, in his late-30s/early-40s. Everyone else is either 30 (ex. Tony) or almost thirty (ex. Scott), if that helps. This issue was mostly about the world Tony inhabits, #2 is all about characters though. #4 and #5 are the origin issues. There's a reason why they are the origin issues.
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Apr 1, 2015 14:36:49 GMT -5
Boris is bragging about the USSR which dissolved nearly 30 years ago, probably older than most characters on the site. It's so old even references about how old it is are dated.
You know, even oil barons typically have names, yet everyone in the story seems to have forgotten his. He's just 'the oil baron'. Everyone's avoiding saying his name like he's the customizable protagonist in a modern RPG.
I know this is chapter one, but I'm suddenly getting the feeling that most of the conflicts between Iron Man and the supervillains could be solved if he'd just accept their friend requests on Facebook, between Mandarin sending carrier assassins and AIM bringing the house party.
It's a short chapter one, but you do a decent job with characterization given the length. You could use a bit more descriptive text between dialogue. It sometimes gets to the point where you don't know who's talking. Otherwise, it's good so far.
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