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Post by Deleted on Feb 1, 2015 18:07:43 GMT -5
Putting this up in advance. #1 will be here soon!
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Post by Stardrifter on Feb 1, 2015 20:23:02 GMT -5
Would have been funnier if Deadpool started at some random number. Like #57
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Post by Deleted on Feb 2, 2015 0:06:16 GMT -5
I agree, but I want to keep it at a regular numbering.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 2, 2015 23:58:07 GMT -5
Hey guys, should I write this in third person ("Deadpool walked to the store.") or first person ("I walked to the store.")?
My first drafts were in third person, and it worked pretty well. What do you guys think?
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Post by All Star Silentking on Feb 3, 2015 0:43:00 GMT -5
Third person is best, but it depends on which one you are comfortable with.
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Feb 3, 2015 6:54:43 GMT -5
Third person unless you're in personal thoughts, monologues, or asides. It is Deadpool, so you can get pretty creative in implementing those.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 8, 2015 22:02:54 GMT -5
#1 is finally up!
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Post by Drake on Mar 9, 2015 18:55:57 GMT -5
Nice issue! Probably my favorite you've written. Deadpool was frequently funny, actually sympathetic, and your Wolverine voicing was spot on. I hope an actual plot develops soon, but there's hints at it with the quotes about Deadpool's employers and his past.
Question about that btw. He's Wolvie's clone? But he's also a (not so) normal kid who SPOILERS! killed his mom? What's up with the Joker-style origins?
8/10. If that's not the highest I've rated one of your stories, sorry. It's always a sliding scale.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 9, 2015 22:11:45 GMT -5
More spoilers! Being verbally (and possibly physically) abused by your own mother for years would probably make anyone go off the wall a little, wouldn't it? And woah, where did I say he was Wolverine's clone? Yes, in a sense, he is, but he's not actually a clone of him. Still, thanks for the feedback!
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Post by Drake on Mar 10, 2015 9:52:03 GMT -5
You did mention the clone thing in the issue. I'd quote it if I wasn't on my phone.
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Post by Stardrifter on Mar 15, 2015 20:05:41 GMT -5
He meant clone as in having his healing factor.
Not bad. I think the tone shift at the end was a bit much. Wade killed an innocent man just to pull a gag and neither him nor Wolverine seemed to care much, then I'm supposed to feel sorry for his mommy issues? Eh...
You can go wacky and zany, which you did well, or you can go serious, but that sudden shift didn't work for me. Otherwise it was a decent start. Keep em coming.
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Apr 6, 2015 11:35:42 GMT -5
Good chapter. Very Deadpool. It was an interesting but choice to flashback to childhood in the first chapter, but I'm not convinced you wouldn't have been better off with a focus on more Deadpool antics instead. Unless something in the flashback is immediately relevant. Otherwise it seems like an unnecessary shift of tone and kind of a buzzkill for your first chapter.
Also, if you're going to start with two other voices in Deadpool's head you differentiate their font more.
Keep em coming!
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Post by Deleted on Apr 6, 2015 23:45:44 GMT -5
Thanks for the review!
I thought about using a really wild thought for "kid" Deadpool, but I was worried that it wouldn't be eligible.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 23, 2015 20:20:01 GMT -5
It nearly killed me, but #2 is finally up!
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Post by Stardrifter on May 2, 2015 13:01:35 GMT -5
Not bad, but I still don't get some of your choices. The opening scene is way too heavy for the rest of the issue. Not only would it have fit better in the last issue, it felt like it was ending the last issue rather than opening this one.
You need to trust your reader more and avoid unnecessary exposition. For example, after the assassination you exposit that the resistance hired Wade. Then immediately after you have a character say it. You didn't need the exposition. You simply could have had the character say they put their trust in Wade and the reader will put two and two together.
Some other little nitpicks. No mercenary/assassin organization worth anything is gonna do a job without a down payment. It's specifically how you avoid situations like this. A good faith payment of say half down.
After the heavy, serious opening I felt the suicide joke was a little too much. When he said it I thought, given the opening and how you've been writing these two issues that he was serious and you were going to address it. Then it's just a bad joke. Ha ha?
I see a lot of potential and it's interesting that you're doing an origin story, but there's definitely work that needs to be dOne. Keep me coming.
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Post by Deleted on May 2, 2015 13:58:52 GMT -5
Thank you very much for the review! I was getting anxious as to whether someone was going to review it or not.
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Post by Drake on May 2, 2015 17:35:10 GMT -5
I will, but in cause you haven't picked up on it with all my posts, my life has been hellish recently. I'll get to it within the next couple weeks.
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