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Post by Stardrifter on Jun 14, 2015 21:52:24 GMT -5
Prologue is up.
It's just a short little scene that kicks off the story. #1 will be up by the 1st if not this month.
attn: DiscipleofBob I decided to try past tense for you. It's been kinda awkward and I'm constantly going back to change tense because I naturally write present tense. So I hope you're happy.
Let me know what you guys think. Thoughts, questions, etc.
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Post by Drake on Jun 15, 2015 10:43:23 GMT -5
Interesting start.
You flip between tenses a few times, but it was nice finally reading past tense. I'll cut you some slack in that department, if only because I know you don't use it a lot.
This is a title I've really gotten excited for. Something about vampires that aren't sparkly just really appeal to me.
I'm assuming--as it's a prologue--that this chapter has some deeper meaning in the story. Maybe I'm overestimating what prologues should do, but I hope this wasn't simply an introduction to the heroes. On that subject, Frank's pretty trashy. It's a good contrast to the clean cut, bad ass vampire slayers.
Not much else to add. It was really short, but it was a prologue.
I don't think I'll grade this issue, simply because of its length.
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Post by Stardrifter on Jun 15, 2015 11:48:45 GMT -5
I'll have to go over it again. I thought all the tenses were correct.
As for the prologue, it is an introduction scene. It was meant as a tease since the first issue is going to be out soon, and it keeps the first issue from going on too long. I have a lot going on in this series and am trying to keep lengths manageable.
And yeah, Frank is a douche. This isn't even the half of it.
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Post by Drake on Jun 15, 2015 11:56:35 GMT -5
Fair enough.
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Post by Stardrifter on Jun 19, 2015 20:23:45 GMT -5
Sooooo the next issue is going to take a little longer than I expected. It was done, save a proofread, and I'm halfway through issue 2, when something happened today that made me want to do a pretty big rewrite. What, pray tell? Well I will explain when the issue is out.
Luckily I am on vacation next week and unluckily(from any standpoint other than writing) my wife just had foot surgery so we aren't going anywhere. So I'll have plenty of time to write.
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Post by Stardrifter on Jun 28, 2015 11:13:36 GMT -5
All right, so my rewrite on #1 is done. I'm happy with the major change I made. At this point I'm just gonna save it for the 1st though. So expect it up Wednesday night!
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Post by Stardrifter on Jul 1, 2015 21:12:19 GMT -5
So Chapter 1 is up. So the major change I made was to change it to first person. I know it's a bit contentious for some people, but my plans for the series are to follow, for now, 3 specific characters and keep everything to their point of view, and doing it first person just made it so much better. Hopefully you guys are into it.
Let me know what you think.
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Post by Drake on Jul 5, 2015 14:58:52 GMT -5
Nice issue. You established some characters, moved the plot along some, and had a hilarious last line, particularly considering what just came out in theaters.
My only critiques would be that you need to proofread this a little more for tense issues, and the plot is moving slowly. HOWEVER, I'll give you slack for both of those because you not only tried 1st person for the first time, but you're still new to past tense, and because it's only the first issue, so the plot can move slowly. You're trying to establish characters, right? In fact, I don't know why I even pointed that out. I guess I needed a critique LOL.
8.5/10. Good first issue. Nice handling of 1st person.
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Post by Stardrifter on Jul 5, 2015 16:20:37 GMT -5
And I reread this thing like 4 times for tense problems.
As for slow plot, it's only the first chapter and a ton has happened for Frank as well as introducing Rachel and Janus. But I am approaching this a bit differently than my previous series, which is why they're chapters and not issues.
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Post by Drake on Jul 5, 2015 21:25:09 GMT -5
Yeah, I basically realized the whole first chapter thing halfway through my review. Nearly went back and deleted it all too, but I felt like I needed something LOL.
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Post by Stardrifter on Sept 8, 2015 21:19:49 GMT -5
Better late than never! Chapter 2 is up! Maybe people will start reading now...
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Post by Drake on Sept 12, 2015 22:56:07 GMT -5
Glad I finally made it to this!!
This was a great issue! A lot of character work, a lot of well done set up, some good action. I like the Game of Thrones-esque political battles you're developing. It certainly adds a unique flair to the title, keeping it from being your run-of-the-mill monster, chosen one story (assuming Frank is some sorta chosen one).
I wouldn't worry too much about who all is reviewing this. They'll come in time. The title's a hard sell. Its biggest character is Blade, who at this point is in a supporting role and hasn't been a major Marvel hero in years. Just keep on plugging this out and people will wise up.
9/10
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Post by thejellyfish on Sept 12, 2015 23:05:39 GMT -5
Man, I must really, really hate vampires, because this series is just not for me. I just can't.
That said, your writing is as good as ever, but still. It's vampires.
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