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Post by thejellyfish on Jan 30, 2015 1:51:46 GMT -5
#4 is up! I think this may be first time since I joined the site that an X-Men series has reached continuity, so yay!
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Post by Deleted on Jan 30, 2015 17:35:29 GMT -5
#0 counts? Hooray!
This and Drake's Amazing Spider-Man are my favorite titles on the site. The number of characters doesn't bother me. You characterize them well and give them good personalities. I think you're taking this story in a good direction and I can't wait to see what happens next.
However, I do have a small problem with this title. A lot of times, I don't know what's ging on. It could be because I'm reading too fast, and if that's the case, that's my problem. This problem recurred to me a lot in #3 with riot. Suddenly this is happening, then this is happening, then this is happening, and I think, "What did I miss?"
Still, I know the basics of what's going on and that's good enough for me.
This issue: 8/10
The title so far: 8.75/10
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Post by Drake on Jan 30, 2015 18:29:40 GMT -5
Jumping right into things, how was Danger freed? I hope there's a reason for it. Also, this seemed a bit short. I don't know why. Length-wise is was fine, I think, and plenty happened in the plot. It just felt...decompressed. I don't know. Lastly, how does Beast have the tech capable of mapping out all the multiverses? Guess this means we're certainly connected to the main Marvel Universe somehow with the implied Incursions and all.
Overall this was another good issue. The characters were great as usual. Your Hellion continues to be fantastic! I hope the plot picks up, but beyond that, great job! 8/10
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Post by thejellyfish on Jan 30, 2015 19:10:28 GMT -5
Beast is smart, but he has help in building these crazy things that he has in his lab. Cypher is only one of the people that he's worked with. Danger being freed was kinda lost in translation. Even I realize this. It's a simple explanation, but I'd rather people find out through the story. I actually thought Hellion was one of the weaker parts of the issue. I knew I had his personality down, but I wasn't sure about his words and actions this issue. Guess they were fine.
I wanted to get the incursion scene in before Secret Wars happened and stopped the incursions. It went through a few iterations. I'll speak more of this in The Multiverse thread.
Lastly, comix, thank you for the kind words. I'm not sure X-Men is as good as Amazing Spider-Man, but the fact that X-Men is one of your favorite titles on the site does make me proud.
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Post by Stardrifter on Jan 31, 2015 10:00:09 GMT -5
Eh. I don't know. What you're writing isn't bad but I'm still not feeling it. I think for me it's because there's so much emphasis on the New X-Men characters and modern plots like Utopia and Danger. Heck, like it or not, the Danger plot in the comics had some weight because of decades of using the Danger Room. But we're only at issue 4 and the Danger Room is sentient now?
Like I said, nothing you're doing is bad, per say. Just not my thing. But I'll keep reading so keep em coming.
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Apr 6, 2015 12:05:25 GMT -5
The series kind of reminds me of the 90s X-Men show, specifically how we're introduced to a lot of characters at once. Well, "introduce" may be strong since they just kind of show up and show off their powers. No real buildup or explanation for things. I feel like Glob and Sidney are this series' Morph, a guy who was introduced just to get killed off so people can get sad over them. Agreed with Star in that a lot of the stories you're using would work a lot better if there was some kind of legacy with these characters, but you seem to be picking and choosing from the comics what's canon and what isn't and it leaves the reader very confused.
The last chapter was quite a bit better in terms of character development, especially with Hellion and the faculty. I'm still lost but you are improving.
Had Xavier walked in previous chapters? I don't remember him doing so and that was kind of jarring to my image of the Professor.
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Post by thejellyfish on May 1, 2015 18:21:11 GMT -5
#5 is up. It's disjointed because I took breaks while writing. I wasn't having fun with the title and I spent my time doing other things. I decided to have a bit more fun with the series and change a bunch of stuff up, but this might not have been the best issue to start doing that.
Next up is the Origins arc. And after that a time skip!
Sidenote: Xavier has walked before. Well, limped if you wanna get technical. The battle in Central Park crippled him.
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Post by Deleted on May 1, 2015 23:54:33 GMT -5
Yay! One of my favorite titles returns!
Those sequences in Doug's mind were downright intense. I pictured the creature as having a yelling Joker voice. Don't know why, but I did.
I kind of liked how the story went back and forth. It was easy for me to follow, so I never got lost.
Overall, a very entertaining issue. I'll give it an 8.75/10. Keep up the good work.
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Post by Stardrifter on May 2, 2015 21:00:29 GMT -5
Kinda short. I liked that you definitely seemed to be writing with purpose. I just feel like the entire series has been all over the map, and you mentioned not having fun so I think it showed. What this title really needs is a break in the story to kinda reset the status quo and reintroduce some stuff. I'm hoping your mention of a time skip will do that.
One oddity, I don't understand why Kitty needed to go to Cerebro to mindlink with Doug. Or why Xavier needed Betsy to do that. That kind of stuff has always been within his power. Granted, alternate reality. It just seemed odd. I'd say something about casually inviting Kitty into someone's mind the invasion of privacy, but that's totally something Xavier and Jean would do so...
Keep 'em coming.
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Post by oprahwindfury on May 11, 2015 10:34:00 GMT -5
“Do you know what this complex is called, Erik? Do you?” asks Charles as he gestures to the area around him. “This place is called Six Feet and it is called that because you are dead. You are dead and you have been buried. This is not a prison, old friend. It is a tomb.”
I've read zero and one. I like the above line from number one the most. Can't wait to see where this series goes.
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Post by Drake on May 11, 2015 13:55:46 GMT -5
Solid issue. I like the mystery and suspense you're building up. It's really nice to see Doug having a legitimate role to play.
You ditched some of the other stuff like the Acolytes and Mags really quickly. I expect it'll be back, but it was a bit surprising especially after the lasting impact they've had on the school and the world's perception of it.
8/10
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Post by thejellyfish on May 11, 2015 14:41:59 GMT -5
I forgot I wrote that line. I like that line a lot. Hope you enjoy the rest of the series!
It'll be back, it'll be after the time skip, but it will all definitely be back. The origin issues give me a good opportunity to time skip, so I'm taking it. Doug's role came as a surprise to me, but when I realized how important he was going to be, I immediately went into trying to make Doug actually useful aside from being the guy who orders Chinese food for everyone because he gets the pronunciation right.
Those weren't the only things I dropped this issue, though. I dropped some other stuff permanently. And it all has to do with the "I wasn't having fun" story. I hope you guys like (small) retcons!
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Post by thejellyfish on Jul 1, 2015 0:48:28 GMT -5
The first Origin chapter is up! Storm's one of those characters that I certainly like a whole bunch, but she's very hard for me to write. This is kinda short and a bit "drabble-y" but I think the latter part works to the issues benefit.
Every Origin chapter is connected in some way. Some more heavily than others, so if you're wondering about certain stuff that has to do with Gambit or Hellion's appearances in this chapter, don't worry. They will expanded upon in the next two Origin chapters.
But first, I have a Spider-Man issue to write.
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Post by Stardrifter on Jul 5, 2015 9:43:39 GMT -5
It was written well, but there was no meat. This should have been a back up issue in a subforum. As it stands, as an issue of the series itself, it was a let down. I kept expecting the time jumps to lead up to something good but it just fizzled out. I don't really feel like I know anything significant about Storm either. Besides confirming she was a thief like in the comics, the only thing we really learn is she had a relationship with Forge.
Keep em coming.
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Post by Drake on Jul 5, 2015 14:55:42 GMT -5
What Star said (or typed). This was just a bunch of random scenes. It wasn't an origin. It didn't reveal much about Storm. It was just...filler, I guess. However, it was written well. Can't fault that. You either proofread it well or you had a hell of a first draft.
6.8/10
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Post by thejellyfish on Jul 5, 2015 15:42:06 GMT -5
I'm not gonna lie, this whole arc is kinda filler. I'm only doing it because I felt like I missed something by starting in the middle, as it were. As I mentioned above, Storm is also a character I have trouble with. I like her. I mean, who doesn't like Storm? But, it's very hard to get into her head for me (unlike Hellion, or Kitty, or Beast, or Gambit). Next chapter's got a bit more meat because something actually does get revealed.
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Post by adrini on Jul 24, 2015 14:48:57 GMT -5
If you want you can send her over. Be a lesson for now.
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Post by thetrueelec on Jul 29, 2015 7:38:47 GMT -5
Ok so I'm catching up starting with issue four and the second scene just made me laugh at how bad it makes the adults look. From what i can gather what happened is the adults got back found out what had happened and decided that after one of there students commiting an act of terrorism and multiple students dying because of it all the students needed was some time off from classes, not therapy or even just to talk with an adult about what happened. Then just to show how terrible they are as teachers they decided that only one student should be put in charge of an entire school's worth of students and that it should be one of the students who not only got injured, which implies that they didn't even take these guys to hospital, but actually saw someone die. I am going to need a lot of convincing that any of these adults should be even interacting with a teen let alone should be in charge of them.
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Post by thetrueelec on Jul 29, 2015 8:31:07 GMT -5
Ok so the rest of the issue, good to see Charles completely doesn't care about his students, at least for him it's in character, that being said I'm pretty sure that one mutant attack wouldn't be enough for everyone to be scared off but hey a mutant city is a great story idea so I'll let it go, plus I like how he just casually admits he's bribing a poitician, this Xavier isn't even pretending he's not a dick. That being said i hope I'm supposed to not like Xavier because so far he's locked up his best friend in his basement, failed to see that Quentin was unstable, left the entire school alone without adult supervision, continued that lack of adult supervision after one of the students committed an act of terrorism and others died, then bribed a poitician to get what he wants, I'm wondering if he's the Big Bad of the series.
As for the rest I'm going to echo what others have said and point out Danger coming to life is happening way to early to have any real impact. I'll also say I loved seeing Santo even if he wasn't even important enough to name.
Now for issue five, I'm going on about this a lot but Gambit sits with Kitty and makes sure she's ok when Doug's injured but the other students get nothing? I have no idea how these X-Men think they are qualified to run a city when they are failing pretty spectacularly at running a school.
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Post by IronGuy on Jul 29, 2015 14:01:54 GMT -5
That'd be a huge twist, if Xavier was the true bad guy.
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Post by Stardrifter on Jul 29, 2015 14:30:55 GMT -5
Magneto was right!
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Post by thejellyfish on Aug 18, 2015 1:03:10 GMT -5
New Origins chapter up! A bit more meat to this one.
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Post by Stardrifter on Aug 18, 2015 10:05:56 GMT -5
I'm not really feeling these origin issues. Too many short scenes without the room to breath. And the time skipping makes it hard to put together a clear timeline of events in my head. I mean, the scene where Betsy is taken makes no sense. There are three X-Men there plus Betsy that could put up a fight and she just agrees to go. What? Because Kwannon was going to join and she has her body? The twist at the end was too sudden too. No build up to such a sudden character shift.
I dunno. I personally would like the series to get back on track and move forward. If these issues were little side things you did on top of the regular issues it'd be okay. But you've lost all forward momentum with the series.
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Post by thejellyfish on Aug 18, 2015 11:19:42 GMT -5
I'm right there you with on the momentum. That's partly why the origin issues stop after this month.
I was also planning on using Captain Britain, because I had gotten the go ahead when he was claimed, but he isn't now. There were actually a few scenes I had to cut in order to get past this, one being Betsy's body swapping.
Another thing to keep in mind is that certain scenes take place before or after other scenes in Storm's Origin. When they're put together it paints a better picture. It's not an amazing picture, mind you, but I think it's certainly better than what we have.
Hellion's issue is up next, so I'm going a bit more "straightforward" - I guess - with the flashbacks as opposed to what I did with Storm and Gambit. There is still a connection to the other two issues though.
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Post by Drake on Aug 18, 2015 12:33:26 GMT -5
Yeah, I'm with Star. The issue is messy, kinda confusing, and not all that fleshed out. I get why you're doing these stories, but they weren't needed and now they've actually harmed the title's momentum.
When did that last scene take place? Because last I checked, Remy and Betsy were still engaged.
I think, ultimately, your problem with these issues is you don't provide enough context for everything. You just throw in names and ideas without us having a clue what you're talking about. It's like earlier in the title with the Acolytes. You didn't describe their appearances or powers in detail, leaving someone who isn't familiar with them lost. You take for granted our comic book knowledge of certain characters and events.
All that said, your characterization is on point, as usual. There were a couple scenes--particularly the Kitty and Hellion one--that were fully fleshed out and fun. I still enjoy this title, but I want it to get back on track.
6/10. I know what comes next will be great.
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Post by thejellyfish on Aug 18, 2015 12:43:13 GMT -5
The last scene takes place during the gap between #5 and #9. #9 takes place a week after that.
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Aug 18, 2015 12:43:49 GMT -5
I'm agreeing a lot with other reviewers. I want to understand this title, there's a lot of my favorite characters here, but I think you're maybe relying on your readers having a full knowledge of all the comics for context here, and I just don't think it always works.
The origin issues should focus on key moments in the characters' lives, but for the most part they seem to be just everyday moments where people talk about key moments that we should have seen.
If it helps, I think most X-Men writers don't have much of a clue with what to do with some of these characters either. Take Storm. She's a mutant, a goddess, a princess, a thief, a teacher, and sometimes some sort of punk rocker with a weird mohawk thing going on. I think you're maybe focusing on trying to bring everything from the comics when you should try to flesh out one aspect of a character before moving on to another.
If there's one thing I do like, it's Gambit. Not so much his relationship with Psylocke, which I'm still having trouble believing, but Gambit's scenes are almost always fun for me. Even if him giving alcohol to his students and making them swear not to tell anyone feels like the first act of an after school special of what not to do.
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Post by thejellyfish on Aug 18, 2015 13:43:38 GMT -5
I hear you on the key moments thing, DoB. Luckily, Hellion's got a big key moment in his issue, so that should appease you. But, he's also young, he's not gonna have a lot of big moments other than the one that sets everything off.
I'm glad you like Gambit. I was having fun writing him and Psylocke at the beginning, but I realized that she wasn't who I'd want him with if I were writing comics. He'd be a better fit with someone like She-Hulk, Captain Marvel, or Kitty Pryde. Someone who's marginally a better person than him. People who take their responsibilities seriously, because I think that that would cause him to grow a bit.
Psylocke is not that type of character. She's also an anti-hero, in a way she's just as bad as him. She makes his character stagnate. That's why I broke them up now, because #9 is chock full of goodies and fun times. I had no other time to do it.
Remy giving Julian and Kitty beer is me showing that, compared to Kurt or Ororo (who are in the same age range as him), he's more like the cool, older brother of the X-Men. Remy's six years older than Julian. He's seven years older than Kitty. Is it a bad thing to do? Yeah, I guess. I was born and raised in Louisiana, the culture's just different down here (seriously, we have drive-thru's where you can get daiquiris. That is a thing). I don't see it as bad like some people might, but that's just the culture that Remy and I were both raised in.
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Post by thejellyfish on Aug 20, 2015 1:53:30 GMT -5
#8 is up! No more Origins, woo!
If this take on Hellion seems a bit different than you would think, then keep in mind that I'm touching on something that was never really touched on in the comics, so it's a bit new for me.
#9 will be out next month. I'm so excited for this one: new characters, a shake up to the claims list, and a super surprise! Yay!
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Post by Drake on Aug 20, 2015 19:22:43 GMT -5
This issue made way more sense than the last two but wasn't really any better. There are a few major leaps in logic. For starters, hands don't just burn off. It doesn't happen. The flames would have risen up his skin and enveloped him before they got anywhere near burning this his hands' and wrists' muscles, tendons, bones, etc. Also, prosthetics made entirely for powers he can't control and nobody truly understands yet (he had them for five minutes, tops) and paid for by a guy (his dad) who hates him are completely illogical. And then there's his Dad's situation. 1. He's an ass. Whatever. That's fine. But 2. he blames Julian for his wife's death? What? He didn't shoot her. Unless I missed something, she didn't get caught in an explosion either. The last scene just felt unnatural. The dialogue was decent, as usual for your stories, but their actions seemed so forced. There was no chemistry there before you had them kiss. It wasn't even a stereotypical kiss scene. I honestly had no idea that that was coming till right before you had them kiss. There wasn't any build up, just 'you can't feel stuff. Like, wow.' Julian admitting, yeah, he can't, and then they kissed. Then there was melodrama and rushed CW dialogue. I just want to clarify, I think you're a really good writer. You have great ideas and solid characterization. However, these past few issues felt rushed, like your heart wasn't in them. Dialogue like this “Now come along James, we have to discuss you taking over your mother’s position on the Board of Directors with the rest of shareholders and what not.” is incredibly jilted and awkward, not in the 'I can't write dialogue' way, but the 'I didn't proofread this enough or cared enough to change much' way. I know because I've had lines like that in the past. Basically, what I'm saying is I know you can write better than this. Don't half ass any issue, no matter how much you want to move onto the next big thing. I like your story and I like your writing. I believe in you. Put your all into everything you write, or just don't write it. 5.5/10. Can't wait for next issue!!
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