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Post by Stardrifter on Aug 22, 2015 10:15:18 GMT -5
I agree it felt super rushed. We get no explanation for the attack. The family is rushed to a pharmaceutical company rather than a hospital? How are they equipped to handle emergency care ranging from bullet wounds to burns to comas? And they had plans for prosthetics for two different people in, according to your own scene break, within hours?
I mean the overall story was interesting. It just needed to bake longer, let the yeast rise and such for the metaphor. Again, the format of these origin issues hampered things IMO. But at least we are beyond those now. Keep em coming.
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Post by thejellyfish on Sept 23, 2015 23:14:32 GMT -5
The first part of the X-Men/X-Factor crossover is out!
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Post by Drake on Sept 24, 2015 10:00:31 GMT -5
This issue was definitely an improvement over the last few.
It's a lot of fun seeing the two teams working together and bantering. I'm glad we're finally getting to a point in the site's continuity that we can casually cross over.
Onto critiques. I'm not exactly following Amara's reasoning for going with Roberto, or even running off in the first place. I guess we only know very little about her, so it'll probably be explained in the coming issues. Not a critique, but Hellion and Kitty's commentary about the X-Factor people was a great way of making the exposition entertaining. Also, I already love Roberto. His "you are so in the shit now" line was priceless! As always, your Gambit is on point.
Storm is the X-Men's powerhouse, so I struggle to see why she wouldn't go to fight the Acolytes instead of, say, Beast.
I hope Gambit out strategy-ing Scott was because Scott didn't know much about the Acolytes. Otherwise, it reads like fanboy writing. Gambit's smart, certainly, but Scott is one of the MU's foremost strategic minds. He's a natural born leader.
How did Jean close Abyss' hole? Needs more explanation.
Overall, this was a fun issue. 8/10.
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Post by thejellyfish on Sept 24, 2015 10:25:55 GMT -5
Considering what I told you earlier about Storm (and Nightcrawler), them staying behind will make sense in the next X-Factor.
I'm planning on going into more detail on Amara and Lorna next chapter. I had a lot going on this chapter, so I wasn't able to get to it.
Gambit does know the Acolytes better than Cyclops, this is true. But, I had intended for the difference in strategy to illustrate how different their missions are. Cyclops' strategy would've worked, but in a way that only focused on saving Lorna. Gambit doesn't like that because that's not what the X-Men are about. I wanted to showcase that there were people trying to escape, but I was tired. And I get so excited about sharing these chapters with you guys that it skips my mind completely.
There are other reasons why Gambit is actually good at planning here in the All-Star Universe, but that's spoilers and I'm not about to spoil something we've been planning since our runs started.
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Post by Drake on Sept 24, 2015 14:37:41 GMT -5
I know, but it feels like Storm and NC are there for plot's sake, not actual logic.
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Post by Stardrifter on Sept 26, 2015 12:10:37 GMT -5
Good issue. Glad we are back to the main story instead of side stories. The exposition during X-Factor's intro was a bit much. I too liked Kitty and Julian's commentary, but it's safe to assume we all know the characters. We didn't really need to have each of their names drilled into their physical characteristics. The scene at the end was kinda awkward too. Just some weird dialogue and leaps talking to Lorna.
Otherwise it was good. I liked the contrast between Remy and Scott. Keep em coming.
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Post by thejellyfish on Oct 23, 2015 21:22:09 GMT -5
#10 is up!
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Post by Drake on Oct 23, 2015 23:09:55 GMT -5
Good issue, but the pacing's out of wack. For starters, it mostly reads like a comic book, which is great, but there's a certain time you need to spend developing scenes that otherwise would be handled by an artist. Sadly, we're telling prose stories, so it makes your issues read rather quickly (too quickly, in fact). Additionally, the ending was rushed as hell. I honestly have no idea why the Purifiers were working with the HATE group (who you didn't name drop btw), or what the heck happened to the X-Men.
Nitpicky stuff. This crossover felt half-assed in the sense that there wasn't much crossing over. Last scene had a couple cool scenes between the teams' members and a fight, and this one had ONE more scene between TWO members from the opposing squads. Now, maybe X-Factor will have more. I've yet to see. I just feel as if this crossover was created for the sole point of making the two teams aware of one another, and giving Storm and Nightcrawler to Adrini (which you handled much better than I expected btw). On that note, while it wasn't perfect, I can kind of buy the NC and Storm logic.
I loved the Gambit and Rogue scene, which only made my desire for more crossover that much greater! And don't get me wrong. I enjoyed this issue. Deadpool was hilarious with his two(?) lines. Gambit's great as usual. The plot seems to be getting somewhere interesting.
7.5/10
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Post by adrini on Oct 23, 2015 23:19:05 GMT -5
We're already in talks for more crossing over. This really was a here and gone thing for now as he had people to trade off and I had a plot line that could allow it. But more importantly it opens the mutant door between our teams, which needed to be the case.
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Post by Drake on Nov 2, 2015 15:27:59 GMT -5
This was a decent issue. You were right; it was very short. However, it did tell a story, so I can't totally fault you for that. With that said, it feels like you're rushing everything. We didn't have any characters react to the X-Men being kidnapped. There's just one scene last issue that ends with that cliffhanger, and the next issue--now--we get Psylocke and Doug on a mission (why is Doug in the field? What can he do anyway?).
Stryker's totally bat shit. Blaming the X-Men when they did nothing...damn.
Deadpool's as fun as usual. I'm sure I'll always enjoy when you use him.
7/10 +More Deadpool! +Fairly fun +Hank's mystery man? And Legacy? ...as in the virus?
-Short (only slight points off for this) -Rushed plot -Why didn't Ehud shoot DP as soon as he reached for his gun?
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Post by adrini on Nov 2, 2015 15:41:20 GMT -5
I will echo that the story was short, but had good story to it.
I'm not sure how to put this exactly, but when I read the chapters I feel like they need filling out. The little details that make a scene or person more fleshed out and alive. Little things.
However your story is really building, which is nice to see. My only suggestion is that you let the story breathe, work in the environment. The rushed feeling isn't hard to deal with and would make an already good story great.
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Post by thetrueelec on Dec 7, 2015 22:32:09 GMT -5
Ok so I just read the three origin issues, and I'm not sure I know anything more about these characters than I did going in, I mean there's a little bit of backstory filled in but it's all so short and quick that's it leaves no impact and feels like we're getting scenes that are supposed to be a part of other issues.
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Post by thejellyfish on Dec 30, 2015 16:52:50 GMT -5
AXM #12 is up!
So, I kinda rushed through this one a bit. My laptop charger isn't charging and I wanna get to the bottom of that. I was hoping to have Blue Lantern up at UDC as well this month, but that's not likely.
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Post by Drake on Dec 31, 2015 21:00:19 GMT -5
This was a fun issue. Again, the pacing is a bit rushed. I'm more sure than ever that that's because you want to get to the meat of the story: what you've got coming up next with space and the Builders.
I like your take on Moira MacTaggert already. It's different and fun. While the pacing is a bit too fast, it does mean there's never a moment I'm bored. I liked the scene where Betsy saved Remy. Funny and interesting, I hope we see more of Gambit's new power. It's certainly pretty damn powerful, but it does make you wonder why he doesn't use it one every bad guy and why he didn't use it earlier.
Hank's scene was very short, but it's pushing the mystery. However, it seemed completely out of place.
7.8/10 +Fun breakout +Never boring +Moira! +Gambit breakout scene
-Rushed -Awkwardly placed Hank scene
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Post by thejellyfish on Dec 31, 2015 22:32:23 GMT -5
That Hank scene was going in the last chapter and it read really weirdly when I had it there. Best I get to it now, though.
Remy's also never had the charm power (which I hate) until recently, it's a secondary mutation. I'm still figuring it out, just like Remy is.
Moira is a ton of fun! And remember the subtitle for the series? Because that's important again now.
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Post by thejellyfish on Jan 26, 2016 15:58:37 GMT -5
So, it looks like this most recent chapter will be my last as the sole writer. I'm looking for a cowriter and if anyone is interested, send me a PM.
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Post by Sonny Daye on Feb 11, 2016 12:42:06 GMT -5
I'll review #11 and 12 at the same time.
You have no idea how refreshing it was to see Deadpool. The bold and underline[/i] got a little confusing at first, but once I got used to it, I got to enjoy it in all its glory.
I hate to beat a dead horse, but yeah, #12 was too short. I am enjoying the mystery you're setting up, though.
I give both issues a 7/10. The title so far is a 7/10 for me. You're not leaving it, though, are you? You're just looking for a co-writer?
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Post by thejellyfish on Feb 11, 2016 14:58:49 GMT -5
If I can find a cowriter, I'll send them the notes for the final seven chapters and we can take it from there.
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Post by Sonny Daye on Feb 11, 2016 16:40:06 GMT -5
Ah, I see.
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Post by thejellyfish on Jul 19, 2016 18:05:03 GMT -5
So, Drake and I are both leaving the site. And on top of that, I've had trouble finding a cowriter. So, Drake and I came up with the solution to just post the synopsis of the final seven chapters.
And that's what I've done. It doesn't suck that I wasn't able to tell the story as intended, it just feels good to be done.
Feel free to review the series as a whole, ask questions (not just about X-Men, but also my Guy Gardner stuff I tried doing), cry about how much you'll miss me, and have a good time!
Y'all are awesome and I'm gonna miss you guys.
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cross
New Member
Posts: 21
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Post by cross on Jul 19, 2016 19:14:04 GMT -5
I didn't know you were leaving too!
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Post by thejellyfish on Jul 19, 2016 23:51:33 GMT -5
Yep, it's time I actually got started on writing my own stuff.
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Post by Sonny Daye on Jul 20, 2016 16:36:58 GMT -5
So now it's Drake, jelly, and me. Holy crap. Anyway, I would've loved to have read these last issues in full. Hope to see you around someday.
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