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Post by Stardrifter on Dec 21, 2014 14:41:21 GMT -5
Wasn't bad. I think Steve is taking being out of time a little too well. Maybe he's just swept up for now. But I did like his scene with Carol.
The final scene felt a little off. I don't think BW said a single word and Hawkeye kinda took over the scene. I suppose he's supposed to be overbearing, but it was a bit annoying to me.
Enjoying the series though. Looking forward to more. Keep em coming.
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Post by thetrueelec on Dec 25, 2014 4:29:20 GMT -5
This was a great issue, Carol and Steve's scene was a good insight into their characters, and I look forward to them interacting more in the future. Hawkeye was great in the briefing, and I loved Fury's reaction to Steve doing the unexpected. The only issue I had was you having natasha having her suit unzipped, I know that happens in 616 but it's stupid there and it's stupid here.
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Dec 31, 2014 8:36:00 GMT -5
Yeah, Hawkeye did kind of take over the last scene. I don't know how often this happens to others but sometimes a character writes themselves in ways that I don't originally plan. It's kind of creepy how sometimes they can just say in your head "no, THIS is what I'm going to do in that scene."
I noticed Romanoff's lack of lines too, and my choices were to either give her some of Frank's lines chastising Barton, or have her be silent and sizing up the situation, especially Rogers. She blends into the background when she wants to because she's that kind of character. Even if it resulted in her taking a back seat in this scene, I think it would have been worse if I'd just given her a few token lines.
Just to clarify, jellyfish, her uniform isn't actually unzipped, that's just where the zipper is so she can have a Bond Girl slo-mo scene at will. I can completely see how the wording could be interpreted either way though.
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Jan 31, 2015 19:24:48 GMT -5
New issue is up!
<_< >_>
Hail Hydra.
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Post by Stardrifter on Feb 1, 2015 10:11:29 GMT -5
It was good. I feel like you could have at least had one or two break always to our main characters. The Agents of SHIELD were completely absent from the series of their name. And I liked you name dropping other people at the meeting, like Shaw, but after the attack there was no follow up. I would have liked at least a comment on how they reacted.
Other than that it was very good. This is one part of the Marvel Universe I know little about. All i really know is from the movies, so it's interesting to see where it's all going.
And shoukdnt Red Skull have a German accent? Mein Gott, vhere vas ze accent? Keep zem coming.
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Feb 1, 2015 10:29:48 GMT -5
It iz very difficult to take ze villainz zeriouxly ven everyvun talkz in zese outrageous ahkzentz. Not to mention overuze of ahkzentz can come acrozz ax more zan a little razizt.
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Post by Stardrifter on Feb 1, 2015 10:45:06 GMT -5
Nonsenze! Ze accent iz ze zing zat vill make us take zim more zeriously az ze villain!
And German iz not a race. Unless you mean...ze master race...
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Post by All Star Silentking on Feb 1, 2015 11:25:48 GMT -5
What is wrong with a Villain's Episode (aka a chapter/issue/episode that is solely about the villain's side of the story)? In any case, I like this and the last one very much.
I also read Black Widow's description as her having the zipper being partway zipped.
And also Cap's speech can be summed up as this.
Captain America: Are you a bad enough dude to save the president.
Note: I am pretty much saying it reminded me of those type of speeches. The term I am most familiar is Dare to be Badass. And I liked it.
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Post by Drake on Feb 1, 2015 22:26:56 GMT -5
There's a coding issue about a third of the way through the issue. Everything's centered from there till the end.
I liked this issue. However, while I'm not sure exactly how long it was word-wise, it felt short. Maybe it's because not much happened, but it did serve a purpose. Hopefully we get to the action and plot now that you've introduced the characters.
I really like Grim Reaper and Nefaria, and I loved all the cameos (including Kingsley's haha). My only real gripe besides the ones mentioned above is that we got no real feel for where the title is going or what Hydra's plans are. I mean, the foundation of the title is a team of SHIELD agents fighting against a team of Hydra agents, but that's not much. It's in continuity and we still really don't know what to expect at all.
8/10
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Post by jordan on Feb 1, 2015 22:38:46 GMT -5
Just caught up. I really enjoyed these issues, and I think this is developing into my favorite series on the board so far. I like BW, and I thought that her lack oflines was right with character. Inmy mind I saw her in the background, plugging pieces together in some greater puzzle. As far as the villains issue went, it wasmyfavorite issue of the series so far. I tend to just like villains more. Great writing, I VERY rarely ever catch major grammatical or spelling errors. Overall, your characters are developing nicely, but Drake has a good point: Your story doesn't have that great of a focus yet. Either way, I'm excited for the next issue.
7.95/10
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Feb 1, 2015 22:38:53 GMT -5
Fixed the coding issue. Thanks for the heads up.
I'm not sure how to respond to the other comment. If you're looking to know what exactly Red Skull or HYDRA has planned, I'm afraid there won't be any information like that for a while. Now that all the introductions are out of the way, however, maybe the next few issues will have what you're looking for.
As always, thanks for the review.
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Mar 1, 2015 3:42:36 GMT -5
Okay, so little bit of an explanation here.
This next chapter's a lot shorter than I would feel comfortable with under any other circumstances. There's a few reasons.
This chapter was initially going to be mostly a briefing and maybe a few personal moments to set up for this mission. Do a few character development scenes, introduce "the Bus" from the tv show, and do the big mission next chapter.
Every scene I wrote for the "briefing" chapter didn't work. At all. It was all either boring or pointless and just really wasn't something I could bring myself to continue writing. I think part of the problem is that the last several chapters were all introduction bits so doing MORE introductions and character development pieces without getting into an actual mission.
So I decided to skip the briefing chapter, introduce "the Bus" later, and get straight to it.
And I was originally planning on doing the whole mission in one chapter. It probably would've been a respectable length too. But maybe it's that it's 3:30 in the morning when I'm finishing this, but I love where I currently left off and couldn't bring myself to continue from there. That and this way since I'm moved up some plot from when I originally planned, I can focus on which Serpent Society members to use next chapter.
Hopefully this will also mean it will be easier to start writing the next chapter.
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Post by Drake on Mar 1, 2015 17:02:43 GMT -5
So...not much happened. Just set up. It was decent; had a couple laughs. Not much to say really, because there's not a lot to talk about.
Clint being so gung-ho seems weird. He is a spy. I dunno...maybe that's just me.
6/10 because nothing happened
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Post by Stardrifter on Mar 15, 2015 22:04:24 GMT -5
It was very short. It was good though. I liked the intercutting. I liked the banter. Glad BW spoke. I agree the Hawkeye bit was iffy. He's a professional and that kind of move should get him shit canned out of the team. Sure everything could end up all right, and you might even have Cap knock him around and give him a speech, but I still won't believe it if he's on the team when all is said and done.
Keep em coming.
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Post by Drake on Apr 1, 2015 20:41:22 GMT -5
This is still exceedingly slow moving. It's been 8 issues and I can summarize what's happened well in a couple short paragraphs.
I like the characters. I like the action. I love how you go a little campy and embrace your comic book roots. I don't like how incompetent all the villains are. They're D-listers for the most part, but they're still superhumans. They got their butts handed to them by the heroes. Maybe it's just me, but it's tough for me to feel like the heroes are actually threatened when not a single bad guy has proven tough to handle.
Quick question, does your Cap have full-on super strength, because that last feat (throwing Death Adder through the wall/ceiling/whatever) was Hulk-level impressive unless I misread that.
Lastly, you've claimed a lot of A/B-list characters. I'm starting to question if you'll need them all with how slow everything is moving. Moreover, with a character like Kamala Kahn or Ghost Rider should he/she/they really be introduced without any sort of background? The Inhumans haven't even been hinted at yet, Carol isn't powered, and we're still waiting on you to debut Kamala. GR's a major character whose whole background with Mephisto would feel out of place in a title with no focus whatsoever on him. I'm not sure if claiming them was the right direction, particularly when you're struggling to develop the plot at a fast pace.
7/10 because this was longer and more entertaining than last issue. It's still showcasing some of AoS' major flaws though.
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Apr 1, 2015 21:26:22 GMT -5
This is still exceedingly slow moving. It's been 8 issues and I can summarize what's happened well in a couple short paragraphs. I like the characters. I like the action. I love how you go a little campy and embrace your comic book roots. I don't like how incompetent all the villains are. They're D-listers for the most part, but they're still superhumans. They got their butts handed to them by the heroes. Maybe it's just me, but it's tough for me to feel like the heroes are actually threatened when not a single bad guy has proven tough to handle. Quick question, does your Cap have full-on super strength, because that last feat (throwing Death Adder through the wall/ceiling/whatever) was Hulk-level impressive unless I misread that. Lastly, you've claimed a lot of A/B-list characters. I'm starting to question if you'll need them all with how slow everything is moving. Moreover, with a character like Kamala Kahn or Ghost Rider should he/she/they really be introduced without any sort of background? The Inhumans haven't even been hinted at yet, Carol isn't powered, and we're still waiting on you to debut Kamala. GR's a major character whose whole background with Mephisto would feel out of place in a title with no focus whatsoever on him. I'm not sure if claiming them was the right direction, particularly when you're struggling to develop the plot at a fast pace. 7/10 because this was longer and more entertaining than last issue. It's still showcasing some of AoS' major flaws though. I will readily admit this is the weakest of my four titles. The biggest thing I'm having trouble with is the structure and making sure everyone has enough screen time while still moving the plot along. Case in point in how it took me so many issues just to get the team together. At some point I'll probably go back and make some edits, move some paragraphs around and make things a bit more stable. Until then I'll be focusing on moving the plot along so there is some progress. Also revelations in the actual AoS and other factors are getting me to change some of my plans as I'm writing the chapters. Skye for example won't be nearly as prominent as I was going to have her originally. This was meant to be a first run for the heroes team and, with the exception of maybe Viper, an easy win. None of the Serpent Society members are particularly competent. In fact with the exception of Viper they're all disposable minions even with their powers, most of which are artificial and temporary. I honestly haven't decided whether Viper gets captured or escapes. Cap doesn't have Hulk level strength. He doesn't smash Death Adder through the hole, rather their brawl ends up breaking through the ceiling with Cap delivering the final blow. The rest is just luck. I can see how you might have been confused though. One of my "deleted scenes" I guess you could call it was possibly Frank Payne getting exact coordinates on Cap's location from Coulson, shooting a grenade up and timing it so that Death Adder fell on one of the other Serpent Society members. I scrapped that bit though. It wasn't working and was adding to much filler like a lot of stuff I've had to cut. One thing about your last paragraph is that you're telling me that the title is moving too slow and that I haven't introduced all the characters yet. Kind of contradictory. Probably the biggest focus of this title is to build up the background to introduce a lot of the characters. Kamala Kahn actually has been introduced, just not named yet, that will be next chapter. The Inhumans won't be involved in this story or Kamala. Ghost Rider I will not be getting into the background of, and with Jordan's changes to Mephisto, I'm not sure Ghost Rider CAN have Mephisto as part of his background. Carol is going to spend the majority of this title without powers, unless circumstances force me to move around the plot again. Again it comes back to the whole "background building" thing. My original idea was a Ms Marvel title, but since the site rebooted, I need to set up certain things with SHIELD, Mar-vell, Kamala, Moonstone, etc. to get her to that point. It will be a process. There's still even a few members of Cap's team I haven't introduced yet, and at the same time, I need to find a way to make time for everyone to have some character development downtime. Some of the characters I've claimed won't be introduced for a long while, but the alternative is that they're claimed somewhere else, I have to change or scrap additional plans until they're available again.
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Post by Stardrifter on Apr 7, 2015 14:17:55 GMT -5
Shoot the hostage!
Not bad. A fun little action issue. At one point Black Widow shot a "dark" at a villains neck. I agree with Drake that it would have been nice to see some more struggle taking down the SS. It's hard to root for heroes that are destroying the opposition, unless enough time was spent making the opposition sufficienty despicable.
I've gotta say it's disappointing to hear Carol won't get her powers for a while, if at all. Keep em coming.
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Apr 7, 2015 14:52:03 GMT -5
Thanks for pointing out the typo. Fixed it.
I can promise more dramatic fights in the future. The first mission, with the was always going to be mostly a cakewalk. These aren't junior agents or heroes just starting out. They're already the best of the best in their respective fields, and with the exception of Viper, the rest of the Serpent Society were disposable mooks souped up with powers. The biggest problem that they'll have is working as a team, as Hawkeye demonstrated.
Carol needs a significant amount of buildup before I can give her her powers. It wasn't possible to go straight into a Ms Marvel title after the reboot due to how much needed to be established beforehand. If I had to pick one plotline out of the many I have planned I want to see completed, it's hers.
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Post by thetrueelec on Apr 16, 2015 10:04:04 GMT -5
So catching up on the last 3 issues and one quick thing if Cap falls Shield first on a guy from 50 feet and doesn't kill him does that mean the guard had superpowers? For the record i assume the answer is yes.
The villains issue was as always really well written but I'm not sure it deserved a full issue, we were introduced to the Maggia and i believe Zola which could have been done at any time, Red Skull made his entrance was great but we have no idea about any of his plan and honestly it sounded like he was going after the bad parts of Hydra rather than anything concerning our heroes. The scene with Grim Reaper needed to happen but it could have been in a regular issue and wouldn't have felt that out of place.
The Serpent Society fight felt way to easy, I get that it's good to show these guys being awesome but we'd had those scenes when the team was first formed and unless Clint gets raked over the coals his going off the plan which should have caused complications feels narratively unnecessary. That said the fight was really well written, and I know action is difficult to write. Plus we get Kamala's first appearance and Kamala makes everything better.
I know this makes it look like I don't like the chapters but it's the opposite, I really like this series but it has just a little bit to go for me to love it.
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Post by Drake on Jun 1, 2015 11:27:48 GMT -5
Good issue. I like the character and world building, I loved Hawkeye, and I can't wait to see what you've got in store for us. All I've got is a few nitpicks.
Honestly, this arc felt like it could have been done in one fewer issue. It's just really decompressed, and while that meant you spent a lot of time on developing cool fight scenes, it slowed the pace of the story. This wouldn't normally be that much of a problem, but your release schedule has been sporadic, and the plot's been slow moving anyway, so it really stood out to me.
Why'd you decide to make Kamala a mutant? She's an Inhuman. It's like the reverse of what Marvel is doing (although I only believe that to a minor, corporate extent). You could've left it up in the air. I mean, I guess Kamala just assumed she's a mutant. It is a little vague. Whatevs. It didn't hurt my enjoyment of the issue, just threw me out of it.
Lastly, it seemed a little cruel of Steve to get Clint drunk to convince him to stay on the team. I know he wouldn't have won a game of darts otherwise, but it still felt back-handed. Maybe Steve's being influenced by modern times. Maybe desperate times call for desperate measures. Honestly, it's probably not much of a problem (especially as Steve isn't Superman), but it left me wondering.
7.8/10
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Jun 1, 2015 12:35:40 GMT -5
Kamala's a mutant because 1) when I initially wrote the plot including her with Carol, this was back before we knew Kamala was an inhuman in the comics and I assumed she was a mutant, 2) inhumans seemingly taking over the comics and MCU is grating on my nerves and this is a strike back for my mutie homeboys, 3) we have a prominent mutant presence in this particular universe, but we don't even have inhumans yet, 4) mutants are cooler.
All right, a detail that I couldn't fit in the last scene, except maybe if I just go back and add it into Steve's thoughts or something: Steve didn't win the darts game. Clint got completely plastered and still trounced a sober Captain America at darts, but winning the game was never the point. Even if he wasn't actually getting drunk, Steve just needed to hang out with Clint in a friendly competition and setting outside of the uniform. Otherwise, Clint would have continued to see Steve as just another authority figure. Steve figured this out and did what he could to earn Clint's friendship and respect.
Of course another reason I might have not made that clearer was at that point the purple elephants were in disagreement with the rest of my insomniac hallucinations and were very distracting.
I freely admit that AoS is giving me more trouble writing it than my other titles combined. It's not due to lack of motivation on it, but rather there's so much stuff I want to do and so many directions I'd like to take this story, that all the different directions become a jumbled mess. There's a lot of really cool stuff I want to do with this story, but getting focus has been a major issue. I was going to include more briefings to give exposition on missions and bad guys, but every time I tried writing one it was just. Too. Boring. I want to include more scenes of the teammates interacting in more casual, social settings to develop the characters, but it's difficult to fit those scenes in between plot.
At this point, if anyone's interested I'd be happy to take on a co-writer. I'm trying to switch to a more episodic format with possibly interchanging team members, and while there's a lot of stuff I want to do, I think if I can get a co-writer I can make room for new ideas as well.
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Post by Drake on Jun 1, 2015 12:55:22 GMT -5
I wish I could help, but, y'know, I've got a lot on my plate without another title to worry about.
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Post by Stardrifter on Jun 6, 2015 16:47:58 GMT -5
I liked it. The fight was cool, though Viper's dialogue was a little annoying. She came off a little too...cheesy. Maybe it's just me.
I enjoyed how Cap dealt with Clint. I do wish Clint had been brought down a peg. You clarifying that Clint still won actually ruins it a bit for me. Cap's ability to see how best to deal with Clint really fleshed both of them out, but Clint was still a dick. And I wanted to see him at least a little hit for it.
Other than that good issue. Keep em coming.
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Post by Drake on Aug 6, 2015 12:46:58 GMT -5
I hate to beat a dead horse, but the title's still moving so slowly. That's not to say each issue isn't entertaining or well written, but I'm still unclear of where you're going with the title after 10 issues (beyond the general 'let's beat Hydra' motive).
With that said, nice issue. The first scene was kind of awkward to read. I don't know why. Maybe it's just me. I'll check that later. The rest was great though. I particularly liked Steve's and Nat's conversation.
8/10
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Aug 6, 2015 13:20:55 GMT -5
I hate to beat a dead horse, but the title's still moving so slowly. That's not to say each issue isn't entertaining or well written, but I'm still unclear of where you're going with the title after 10 issues (beyond the general 'let's beat Hydra' motive). I'm not sure what you're looking for in this title. The main plot of this title has always been 'Cap's team versus HYDRA' with eventually some development for individual characters along the way. Maybe it's that the formation of the team is taking so long, and I can appreciate that. Really several of these plot arcs could be condensed into single issues, like Agents Assemble and Serpent Society, which I might do later in editing. Next chapter the full team is assembled and I can hopefully get to more of the actual missions of the characters. I'm trying to make sure to give enough time to the individual members to do them at least some justice.
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Post by Drake on Aug 6, 2015 14:46:21 GMT -5
I think that might be the problem. It still feels like we're in Act 1 of a movie when the team is getting together.
EDIT: I suppose I'm also looking for some sort of plan on how to combat Hydra and/or what the hell Hydra plans on doing. That's coming, I think, with the secret serums and all. I've just gotten impatient.
Just want to clarify, I still really enjoy reading every issue. I just kinda wish things were moving more quickly. Maybe I've just built in the need to have critiques for every title, and over time this minor nitpick grew into a monstrous beast because I let it simmer for too long.
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Aug 6, 2015 15:59:27 GMT -5
I can understand that. I'm just as bad on the nitpicking a lot of the time. And I'll admit a lack of precise story planning caused some problems especially early on.
It did take much longer than planned to get the main team together, mostly because I didn't want to short change any of the individual members, and some of my plans have changed dramatically in the beginning. Skye, for example, is pretty much permanently on X-Factor instead of here. Taskmaster I delayed because I was already introducing enough characters for the team and his presence on the first mission didn't make much sense. I also didn't name-drop them this chapter, but the "support staff" Cap's getting are Fitz and Simmons.
If you're looking for a big master plan of HYDRA, you'll probably have to wait a while. Most of this will be Cap's team taking apart HYDRA's operations by piecemeal. Lots of little HYDRA operations adding up. The vial contents might satisfy you, and that's definitely next chapter.
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Post by thejellyfish on Aug 6, 2015 19:29:31 GMT -5
Good chapter. A nice break after a mission to introduce some new stuff and Taskmaster makes his appearance. I forgot he was in this title, to be honest.
As for the stuff about the team and the surrounding cast members, it kinda feels a little bloated. There's characters that you've claimed that haven't appeared yet (ex. Winter Soldier or, ugh, Wonder Man). There's characters that have barely appeared at all. I feel like sometimes Adrini has this problem too, but it's mostly with her supporting cast. I feel like X-Factor is very much about the Grey-Summers family, so it doesn't feel as bloated a lot of the time when I think of it like that.
I think once you iron that out, the title will be much better for it.
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Post by Sonny Daye on Aug 6, 2015 19:50:02 GMT -5
I liked it. I have to agree with Drake--the pacing's too slow for me. I'm a fast kinda guy. I like things to be quick. We did get some insight on your version of Cap. I particularly liked his exchange with Widow. Hopefully Cap and Iron Man will butt heads in the very near future... > I'd give this issue a 7/10. Characters are great, dialogue is great, but the plot, while interesting, is too slow.
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Post by Stardrifter on Aug 11, 2015 13:13:45 GMT -5
I agree it's slow. Not bad but slow. And unless you're throwing some curves character wise, the team is a little big. With TM and now Fitzsimmons too?
I liked the scene with Fury, though I hope Coulson "handling" Fury means we don't see him for a while. I feel like Fury is better in short bursts. The Cap/BW bit was nice. I wonder if you're going to satisfy the MCU shippers.
It was a good issue. Hopefully things get really moving soon. Keep em coming.
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