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Post by DiscipleofBob on Mar 10, 2015 21:39:54 GMT -5
Thanks for the reviews.
Next issue should be up soon.
comixmaster: Those examples (if I'm reading your examples correctly) don't actually use commas. The first example I believe is optional and the second isn't supposed to have a comma.
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Post by Drake on Mar 10, 2015 21:43:04 GMT -5
I'm not sure about the second, but the first definitely does. Whenever you're addressing anyone you're supposed to use a comma. Whether it's slang or not doesn't really matter.
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Mar 10, 2015 21:54:03 GMT -5
The fun part about English grammar is how subjective it gets.
I've had professors who would mark me off for one example and others who would mark me off for the latter. I've also plenty of novels which don't use commas in that instance.
My personal rule when using commas is to use them to to break up long sentences, especially when it comes to dialogue, so commas at the end aren't used because there's nothing to break up.
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Post by Drake on Mar 10, 2015 22:16:37 GMT -5
That's weird. I've always been taught one way, but I definitely agree with you that English is fairly subjective. To each their own, I suppose.
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Post by adrini on Mar 10, 2015 22:35:20 GMT -5
If people really want a standard there's a grammar site I use for school, reference stuff like this. I know it's up to date. Would it help?
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Mar 16, 2015 18:34:03 GMT -5
Either way, thanks for at least bringing up the grammar. Every time I see a review on mine or other stories along the lines of "the grammar could use some work" or something similar, my immediate thought is whether it's a similar piece of subjective grammar that was intentional on part of the author, or if it really was a silly mistake that can easily be fixed if only the author's attention is drawn to it.
Next chapter is up, bringing a true end to the first arc.
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Post by Drake on Mar 16, 2015 20:13:12 GMT -5
I really liked it! We got to know Doom a lot better. He's still not quite what I want, but I expect he'll be more in line with Dr. Doom of the comics soon. The powers make me a little uncomfortable, but I can live with them as long as his over the top personality does shine through eventually.
There was a grammar error that I found quite amusing. "Public" was missing its "l" at one point.
I can't wait for what's next! Are you skipping to the present, or are we still going through the origin?
8.75/10
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Mar 16, 2015 23:23:50 GMT -5
Still more of the origin. After a few F4-centric chapters, a good portion of this story will be Doom's rise to power in Latveria, much of which Doom will be the protagonist of. While the F4 is on their own adventures of course.
As for the powers, we'll eventually be getting more into exactly what his powers are later.
Thanks for pointing out the embarrassing typo. It's fixed now.
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Post by Stardrifter on Mar 17, 2015 22:40:46 GMT -5
#5
Very good. I liked seeing Reed rally the team and get everyone involved with the plan. The sorta flashback technique did take me out a little. It would have worked in a visual medium, but as written it drew attention to itself. Not a big deal though.
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Post by Stardrifter on Mar 21, 2015 14:42:28 GMT -5
There was a line in the Mole Man/Lucia scene where it said something like "army of an underground army." I'd quote it for you but I'm on my phone.
Not bad. I'm not liking the more Ultimate/movie type Doom, but it's not horrible either. He's still coming across as an interesting character. Other than that it was a pretty solid issue. Keep em coming.
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Jun 1, 2015 2:10:40 GMT -5
New Fantastic Four is up.
Mostly character stuff and plot setup for future chapters.
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Post by Drake on Jun 1, 2015 11:43:52 GMT -5
Cool issue. I absolutely loved the ending! You have no idea how excited I got for the rest of the arc!
Got one nitpick. It wasn't clear if the shower panel just fell off or Sue broke it off with her powers. I suppose either would be fine, although the latter is much more feasible considering her stress, her lack of control of new abilities, and the fact that in a multimillion dollar building it's extremely unlikely that anything is even remotely old or seriously wearing away.
I really enjoyed this. A decent amount happened, even for a "character stuff" issue, so it was fun. 8/10
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Jun 1, 2015 12:38:15 GMT -5
I hadn't even thought about the possibility of the shower damage being as a result of Sue's powers. It's good though. I kind of want to steal that idea and retcon it as fact.
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Post by Drake on Jun 1, 2015 12:54:20 GMT -5
Glad I could help!
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Post by Stardrifter on Jun 3, 2015 14:39:54 GMT -5
Not bad. A nice, slow issue.
I'm a little confused on Johnny's age. Is he in high school or college? Either way I find it kind of hard to believe that he was so easily allowed back at school, given that he can light himself on fire and all. Especially if it's high school. And if it is high school, then how the hell did an underage teen get into space?
Ben's little scene was fun. Either the bartender is going to refuse his money because they love Ben as a hero and you're going for a swerve, or the bartender has a horrible business sense. You don't turn down money, especially when the product is already consumed.
Keep em coming.
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Jun 3, 2015 15:01:16 GMT -5
Not bad. A nice, slow issue. I'm a little confused on Johnny's age. Is he in high school or college? Either way I find it kind of hard to believe that he was so easily allowed back at school, given that he can light himself on fire and all. Especially if it's high school. And if it is high school, then how the hell did an underage teen get into space? High school. He got onto the space station because his sister is Sue Storm and he's good friends with everyone else in charge of the project. The school doesn't officially, technically know that Johnny has powers. Granted that won't last long, but even if they did, they don't really have cause to keep him out of school just for having powers.
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Post by Stardrifter on Jun 3, 2015 15:08:16 GMT -5
I realize HOW he got to space. What I meant was how did anyone allow an underage teen into outer space? That would NEVER be allowed. On top of that they had a huge accident and everyone knows about it? I expect a subplot of Sue getting a visit from Social Services asap.
And if they're all just lying to the high school fine, but once it is known you don't expect parent would be pulling their kids out of the school? The principal and super intendant would have so much shit raining down on them.
I mean look at what mutants would go through.
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Jun 3, 2015 15:21:29 GMT -5
I realize HOW he got to space. What I meant was how did anyone allow an underage teen into outer space? That would NEVER be allowed. On top of that they had a huge accident and everyone knows about it? I expect a subplot of Sue getting a visit from Social Services asap. And if they're all just lying to the high school fine, but once it is known you don't expect parent would be pulling their kids out of the school? The principal and super intendant would have so much shit raining down on them. I mean look at what mutants would go through. Part of the space station's purpose was to test habitability. They would need to test younger kids eventually, and Johnny is an intelligent, healthy candidate who's smart enough to actually contribute up there. Between Reed, Victor, and everyone else there's also a lot of political and financial clout so getting approval for such a venture. Getting a teenager on a temporary stay on what was, until that specific point, a perfectly safe and stable space station isn't as far-fetched as you might think. They aren't exactly lying to the school. It honestly hasn't come up and they really haven't decided if they want to try and keep their powers secret or not. There's a lot they have to deal with and Johnny was already enrolled in classes. Also, Johnny has teen celebrity status even without powers for being the youngest person in space. No way a prominent academic institution is going to skip that kind of publicity without a very good reason. Mutants are viewed differently than other powered people. As for why, well, ask Marvel. Even if they were the same, there isn't a uniform negative public opinion towards mutants or powered people. There are opinions on both sides. Just because one student gets crap for being a mutant doesn't mean all students will go through the same experience for getting powers.
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Post by Stardrifter on Jun 3, 2015 16:31:25 GMT -5
I know the mutant/human with power deal is ridiculous. One of the reasons a lot of fans think the X-Men should be in their own universe. But since this is our universe, we should consider those things. Even if ultimately he's allowed back in school, there should still be some controversy about it. At least until they become the popular heroes they are.
As for Johnny in space, again even if they could muster the monetary and political clout, which I personally don't believe would happen, there should still have been a ton of controversy. And again, with the accident and such there would be investigations and more. It's one thing to have Robin out fighting crime with his identity secret and another to have an underage astronaut turned super hero with a public identity.
I mean imagine the 24 hour news stations with a story like this?
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Jun 3, 2015 16:59:55 GMT -5
I know the mutant/human with power deal is ridiculous. One of the reasons a lot of fans think the X-Men should be in their own universe. But since this is our universe, we should consider those things. Even if ultimately he's allowed back in school, there should still be some controversy about it. At least until they become the popular heroes they are. While the mutant vs kids with other powers is a valid question, I personally don't see anything wrong with it. The major differences I see are that cases like Johnny's are one in a million, and they generally go through enough trauma that it's easy for the public to sympathize with their plight. Mutants can be anyone, and they have a reputation for not being able to control their powers, or using them irresponsibly, whether in actuality its deserved or not. I've never even heard of the argument that the X-Men should get their own universe, and while that might be the case with the movies right now, I don't think they should be separate. Also, public opinion is equally prone to hippocrasy and double standards. While I certainly can't argue that at least some people would probably see the controversy you're talking about, I wouldn't expect it to make much of an experience in a community of academics. The 24 hour stations have their scapegoat: Doom, who's fled the country and refused questions which is more than enough to condemn him in the eyes of the media. Everyone else is just a victim as far as they're concerned. And a teen astronaut turned superhero sounds like it'd make great television even without any demonization. While it would be certainly reasonable for some people to have the controversial opinions you're taking about, I doubt they'd even be the majority.
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Post by Drake on Jun 4, 2015 16:53:42 GMT -5
There's a really simple solution to this. Johnny's 18 and a senior. He's a legal adult. People could get mad, but he can make his own decisions.
As for the mutant deal, it's always been a tad unrealistic, but it is fair to note, as Dob mentioned, that mutants tend to be more unstable and much more common than other posthumans. Additionally, mutants tend to be the strongest superhumans (with a few exceptions) and they're the next stage in evolution, while superhumans like Cap or Hulk, or mutated half-humans like Spider-Man and Captain Marvel are merely accidents. Mutants represent the inevitability of the human race's extinction. It scares people. That, in my mind, is the biggest reason why mutants are outcasted and other superhumans are more readily accepted.
The only type I can really see being a problem (beyond uncontrollable ones like Hulk) are the gods, simply because of the theological connotations of their existence. Honestly, I'm surprised that's never really been explored before within the context of the Marvel Universe. With Thor and Hercules parading around, you'd think some Christian, Muslim, or frankly any other religion's extremists would lose their shit. Hell, ordinary people who are involved in a religion would probably be losing their shit.
Anyway, enough with the tangent. I've made my point.
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Jun 4, 2015 19:30:45 GMT -5
Johnny's 15 at the time of this story.
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Post by Drake on Jun 4, 2015 22:01:43 GMT -5
Never mind then.
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Post by Sonny Daye on Jul 31, 2015 20:30:03 GMT -5
Wasn't too big a fan of this issue/chapter/whatever you guys call it. It's biased, though, since I'm deathly terrified of bugs. (Guess who hasn't seen Ant-Man yet...) I can't help but laugh every time Reed speaks. It's so perfect how he sounds like a super-scholared scientist. I love it.
Let me get this straight: This series takes place in the past? In a way, this is almost like a prequel or a prologue to the All-Star Universe! Keep up the good work.
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Jul 31, 2015 20:36:35 GMT -5
Yeah, it takes place in the year 2000, so by the time most of the rest of the titles on the site, the Fantastic Four, Latveria, Ant-Man, and Wasp will be well established.
The Ant-Man movie is pretty awesome, though if bugs creep you out too much it might be a good thing to skip.
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Post by Sonny Daye on Jul 31, 2015 20:39:32 GMT -5
How important is the movie in the MCU? Does it set up Civil War or any other exciting details? You cn message me any spoilers if you want.
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Jul 31, 2015 20:45:20 GMT -5
The stinger sets up some stuff for Civil War (there are two by the way). You can probably look that up by itself on YouTube. Other than that, and Scott joining up with the Avengers, it's difficult to say how much will directly affect the MCU. I wouldn't be surprised if Agents of SHIELD had to deal with Pym Particles at some point.
Although if you think you can stomach the bugs (which aren't really that bad IMO), it's a very enjoyable movie. One of Marvel's best to date, and that's a high standard.
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Post by Sonny Daye on Jul 31, 2015 20:52:38 GMT -5
Ant-Man joins the Avengers? I bet that scene was epic... I guess I am going to have to "stomach" the bugs *shudders* if he's gonna be in Civil War. I looked at the cast list, and everyone from Age of Ultron will be in Civil War, except Thor (in space looking for the Infinity Stones) and Hulk (A.W.O.L.).
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Jul 31, 2015 20:54:16 GMT -5
Well, it doesn't happen in the movie, but it's implied that he will.
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Post by Stardrifter on Aug 2, 2015 15:54:57 GMT -5
A perfectly adequate issue. It really felt like filler for the most part, barring the twist with Ben. I feel like the main plot was dragged out. As a huge Trek fan, even I found the technobabble to be going a bit too far.
Jan's "nerd" comments annoyed me. She's an entomologist. Pot and kettle and all that. The scene with Jimmy finding out Johnny's secret was confusing. The bit with the beaker. It's not clear what is happening, what Johnnny is doing to give himself away and why. I don't know if it's a part that got screwed up in editing or what.
I do like a the Ben twist. Not the bartender loving him. That was an easily anticipated cliffhanger. But the real twist. It's interesting to see you two tying all your titles together.
Besides the gripes, the action was well done and you guys are very good at keeping the characters distinct. Hopefully things pick up next issue. Keep em coming.
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