|
Post by ReadingTrance on Dec 21, 2013 16:21:01 GMT -5
I like issue #9 a lot. It was very entertaining and advanced the plot well. A good cliffhanger is always welcomed too. Good work. 8/10
|
|
|
Post by Drake on Dec 21, 2013 16:59:55 GMT -5
Thanks for the review! I'm glad you liked it! Everything speeds up from here.
|
|
|
Post by Drake on Dec 26, 2013 23:51:38 GMT -5
Spidey 10 is up! It's a game changer, folks!
|
|
|
Post by ReadingTrance on Dec 28, 2013 12:19:56 GMT -5
I enjoyed this issue a lot. Best one in a while. The end of the issue is what made it so good. Good work. Looking forward to more.
8.5/10
|
|
|
Post by Stardrifter on Dec 28, 2013 13:11:50 GMT -5
#6
Not bad. The beginning, while kinda reminiscent of Stan Lee era comics, was a bit off putting. A bit too self referential and opinionated.
Otherwise it was good. Nice action. I know you're trying to turn the series direction, but I felt it was way too soon and sudden for Jefferson to discover his secret. His whole story and what happens at the end. It was just too neat and rushed.
#7
Not bad. Really effective in portraying his pain and confusion. The handy dandy Spider sense bit kinda threw me out, but otherwise a good issue.
#8
Kinda short. The dialogue with Mayday felt very awkward and not very teenager like. Otherwise it was fine. Miles is making some huge leaps to conclusions with SS but I suppose it makes sense in his state. Still, with all the villains and heroes in this world, it seems strange he'd be so gung-ho to blame a hero. Such a prominent one too.
#9
This issue...eh. I think you went way too far with Miles attacking SS. Like I mentioned in 8. Sure he's grieving and all, but that was just ridiculous.
The Harry storyline is iffy too. You're relying too much on our knowledge of comics rather than really telling this story. At least in my opinion.
#10
Nice action. The meeting with Bishop was nice and dealing with Ganke was good.
Still not digging how angry Miles is though. We've all read stories of heroes breaking down and not being themselves, but Miles has barely been a hero in the first place. This isn't the hero I want to root for.
The Goblin introduction was interesting. And now Prowler too? Hoping things are getting exciting. Keep em coming.
|
|
|
Post by Drake on Dec 28, 2013 15:34:38 GMT -5
I'm not going to go issue by issue and reply to your review, Star. I'll just summarize some things.
While I can admit that I occasionally use unrealistic dialogue, I fail to see how May's and Miles' interaction was unteenager-like. That's an entirely normal interaction as far as I've seen.
The background behind everything is supposed to be in the dark, so if anyone's confused about Harry, that's good. The All Star past isn't what it seems like, as you'll found out later on in Spider-Man and in Jordan's Presents arc after my own.
Now, the most important topic of this conversation: Miles. He's a human being; someone who's gone through shit. It's perfectly rational for him to be so irrational. He's almost died twice as a hero, his father's been killed, he's wanted for supposedly attacking ParkerCorp, and he really has no friends (which is of course his fault). Miles isn't Peter. He isn't always happy, and he certainly doesn't stay that way when things fall apart. However, that is the point of Darkest Nights. It's to break Miles down to his weakest state and build him back up into a better Spider-Man and a better human being.
So, to end my reply I'll just explain what I think Marvel Comics are meant to do. They're meant to tell stories of relatable, fallible people. People aren't always cheer-worthy. In fact, if you're cheering for Miles to go irrationally kick Scarlet Spider's a** then something's wrong with you. But that's the point. Miles isn't perfect. He never will be, but maybe, just maybe, he can improve himself.
Anyways, thanks for the review! Sorry for the long-winded answer!
|
|
|
Post by Stardrifter on Dec 28, 2013 16:26:57 GMT -5
The dialogue was just how it felt to me. Didn't say I was right.
As for Miles, I'm not saying he's unrealistic. I'm not even saying its bad for a hero to go through this kind of trial. But he hasn't even really established himself as a hero to then be put through this trial. We haven't seen the hero he can be to really be affected by how low he is.
But for me, as a reader, it's not what I personally want to see. It's believable that it's how things could go, but Miles isn't likable to me right now and I haven't built up a strong enough liking to him by this point to want to stand by him. If that makes sense.
I'm not trying to say you're doing it all wrong. Just saying that for me personally I don't like how things are going right now.
|
|
|
Post by Drake on Dec 28, 2013 16:42:07 GMT -5
That's fair enough. I wasn't saying that I was necessarily right in doing this, by the way, just explaining my reasoning behind it.
I hope you enjoy Spider War more than Darkest Nights (Part 1).
|
|
|
Post by Drake on Jan 1, 2014 20:38:11 GMT -5
#11 is up! I hope everyone enjoys it!
|
|
|
Post by Stardrifter on Jan 2, 2014 19:35:33 GMT -5
So I had three problems of varying degrees.
1. Prowlers revelation. It was just...too neat. It felt so cliche. Jefferson suddenly tells a story and then he just shows up right away after. It just happened way to fast to not feel forced.
I think if more time had past before he showed up. Or if Prowler had been around for a while and then we hear the story. You know, some build up.
2. Tony is a drunk so he doesn't care among the city going to shit. Fine. But Cap? The whole conversation was just...wrong. If it's something that's going to come up in Avengers that's fine, but then there should have been more indication that something was wrong. Like Miles thinking about how wrong it is for Cap to seemingly not care. Or something.
3. A scene showing, not telling, what was happening to the city would have been nice. Obviously you wanted to open like you did to surprise with the week passing. But maybe between that scene and the mansion we could have had a scene with Scorpion or some gang violence involving Banshee or something. It just lessens the impact of events to just be told, "Shits going down!" and not see it.
Other than that it was fine. I'm glad Miles has gotten past some of his anger, even still struggling with it. The dialogue was all fine and there is certainly potential for the War. Keep em coming.
|
|
|
Post by Drake on Jan 2, 2014 22:51:24 GMT -5
1. You're right. That was just bad of me.
2. It'll come up in Avengers. They have reasons to struggling. I was trying not to spoil anything.
3. Another screw up. Next two issues will be big war issues showing all the crime and problems. Also, the war will carry over to my next arc.
|
|
|
Post by jordan on Jan 3, 2014 15:12:09 GMT -5
Alright! Here's my reviews you've been waiting for Drake:
#9: A solid issue with a neat action scene. The fight with SS was pretty well done and you're very good at showing the pain and anger of Miles.
#10: I like this issue and would probably call it your best yet. I respectfully disagree with Star when he says this "isn't the hero I want to root for" when I say that this is the hero I want to root for. A hero going through troubles. A hero trying to figure himself out. It's interesting and well done. Not every hero is perfect and this is a nice show of that.
#11: Nicely done again. I echo Star that the Prowler revelation was...too forced. It was well written, but could've been better. Minor set-back though. It did what needed to be done and more exciting things are in the future. As for the "show not tell" bit that Star touched upon, I disagree again. I have no problem with telling. Sometimes it's easier to see a scene like that. Not always, but I think that here, it was effective. There are not a specific set of rules to follow in making writing interesting, and so you can't always follow "show not tell" you just have to do what you think makes the story come out the best at delivering whatever emotion or message you're trying to deliver to your audience and, in this case, I think you did a good job.
|
|
|
Post by Drake on Jan 4, 2014 14:27:47 GMT -5
I'm glad you liked it! Thanks for reviewing!
|
|
|
Post by ReadingTrance on Jan 4, 2014 22:18:52 GMT -5
I had no problem with you telling instead of showing, but for some reason the Avengers part just didn't work for me.
I think it's partly what Star pointed out and I also felt like it was more just an advertisement for Broken than a necessary scene for Spider-Man.
Overall it was enjoyable and, as always, I look forward to the next issue.
|
|
|
Post by Drake on Jan 21, 2014 22:17:57 GMT -5
Spidey 12 is up!
|
|
|
Post by Stardrifter on Jan 22, 2014 17:40:11 GMT -5
Two things up front. One, it's Principal. Bugged me the whole issue. Two, Bendis. Really took me out. One mention was a nice nod, more was too much. And pointing out his bald head. I swear I thought when he wanted to speak to Miles you were going to use Bendis speak...
Otherwise it was okay. Not a whole lot beyond action. I feel like this whole war deal went way too far way too fast. You have high school kids getting gunned down and I don't feel the emotional weight like I should. This war feels like a plot point that came up, not a natural progression of the story. I feel like there was no build up.
Otherwise it was good. Keep em coming.
|
|
|
Post by Drake on Jan 22, 2014 18:29:07 GMT -5
Good points. Sorry. The Bendis thing was partially meant to be a nod to the creator of Miles and a meta message about how I feel about him and the people who hate on him.
I think I did build up to the war too quickly. On the plus side, it's going to last a while (beyond Spider War), so I won't be rushing that.
|
|
|
Post by Drake on Jan 26, 2014 18:38:28 GMT -5
Two things up front. One, it's Principal. Bugged me the whole issue. Two, Bendis. Really took me out. One mention was a nice nod, more was too much. And pointing out his bald head. I swear I thought when he wanted to speak to Miles you were going to use Bendis speak... Otherwise it was okay. Not a whole lot beyond action. I feel like this whole war deal went way too far way too fast. You have high school kids getting gunned down and I don't feel the emotional weight like I should. This war feels like a plot point that came up, not a natural progression of the story. I feel like there was no build up. Otherwise it was good. Keep em coming. Thanks for reminding me on the "Principal" thing. For some reason I forgot how to spell it while I was writing that chapter. I mean, I swear to God I know the difference between principle and principal. That's just embarrassing as hell.
|
|
|
Post by jordan on Jan 27, 2014 9:53:49 GMT -5
Sorry, thought that I'd already done this, my bad!
Anyway, I really liked this issue. It definitely fits in and is well written. I personally liked the nod to Bendis and thought it would've been kinda neat if he'd used Bendis Speak. Anyone, on to the rest. I like it, I really do. It was some powerful metatext, and really speaks volumes about the character and his fan-base, and really helps to differentiate this from the average fanfiction, and that's always good. I'm always up for metatext and symbolism, and its nice to see someone using a lighter example of it. 8.5/10, your metatext was good, my advice would be to incorporate it more when you get a chance.
|
|
|
Post by Drake on Feb 16, 2014 19:05:17 GMT -5
ISSUE 13 IS UP!
Things really escalate quickly from here!
|
|
|
Post by Stardrifter on Feb 16, 2014 20:52:58 GMT -5
It was a really good issue. I think it was a bit short, another scene or two to flesh things out would have helped. The jump between the last two scenes wasn't as powerful as it could have been, the revelation about Mile's family just kind of fizzling.
Great action in the beginning. Some nice moments. The quips were good. I liked the scene with Prowler and Jameson. Miles is overwhelmed and ill equipped to argue. Though I feel the scene showed him as being naive and didn't really put his side across very well. Hard not to side with Prowler.
Keep em coming.
|
|
|
Post by Drake on Feb 16, 2014 21:36:38 GMT -5
It was a really good issue. I think it was a bit short, another scene or two to flesh things out would have helped. The jump between the last two scenes wasn't as powerful as it could have been, the revelation about Mile's family just kind of fizzling. Great action in the beginning. Some nice moments. The quips were good. I liked the scene with Prowler and Jameson. Miles is overwhelmed and ill equipped to argue. Though I feel the scene showed him as being naive and didn't really put his side across very well. Hard not to side with Prowler. Keep em coming. I'm glad you liked the Jameson scene. It was fun to write. And you're definitely correct about Miles being overwhelmed. He had no energy to argue. Prowler definitely won that argument. I'm also glad you like him! He's an interesting character to write. I really should have added another scene between the civilian scene and the headquarters scene. Oh well.
|
|
|
Post by Drake on Mar 14, 2014 12:42:32 GMT -5
Spidey 14 is up! This leaves only one question...will somebody other than Stardrifter review the title?
|
|
|
Post by Stardrifter on Mar 14, 2014 19:02:36 GMT -5
Not bad. Interesting turn of events. It was nice seeing Peter back in the tights(though how he fit in a teenage boys tights is questionable). I feel like it would have had more impact later down the line. After Miles had had more time to build a status quo as Spider-Man. But it was still fun.
I don't really like this Goblin. He feels like a Joker-lite. I dunno.
Otherwise my only complaint was the fight was too short. I would have liked to see more before the stabbing. Keep em coming.
|
|
|
Post by Drake on Mar 14, 2014 21:11:05 GMT -5
I briefly mentioned this earlier. Peter isn't very tall or large. Miles is about his size. The costume would fit, if a little tightly.
My experience with Goblin is he is similar to the Joker in a lot of ways. That's what I kind of aimed for. Also, this Gobby is a bit different than the others. It will be explained in 16.
Glad you liked it!
|
|
|
Post by jordan on Mar 15, 2014 12:47:07 GMT -5
Okay so sorry about the delay, I've been behind on everything and am just catching up now.
I have to say, your run on Spidey has been a very, very good run and I personally would say the best run on the site. As far as that goes, you do have a few obvious flaws as a writer. Your pace is quick where, in a story like your Spider-Man where it is completely action-packed all the time almost, isn't really a bad thing, but then when you're coming off those fights into bigger, character and emotion scenes, I think that your pace should slow down just a bit to give a bigger impact to the reader.
I really like the story, even though parts such as the revelation with the family could've been done better. I think my favorite (and the part you wrote the best) was Peter coming back into the tights. It was a very good moment and I read it twice I liked it so much.
So keep 'em coming, I'm really enjoying the story so far, just work on your pacing.
|
|
|
Post by Drake on Mar 15, 2014 13:59:51 GMT -5
I'll do that. Thanks for the advice!
I'm glad you're enjoying Spidey! It's been incredibly fun to write!
|
|
|
Post by Drake on Mar 30, 2014 11:41:48 GMT -5
SPIDEY #15 IS UP!
THIS ISSUE CHANGES EVERYTHING!!!
|
|
|
Post by Stardrifter on Apr 3, 2014 12:59:15 GMT -5
I'll be honest. I didn't like this issue. It was written fine, but the choices you made were...eh.
First, the cop thing. Ugh. It was as bad as all those "New Yorkers come together!" moments in the movies. I don't believe real cops would just walk away and let a masked vigilante handle a situation like that. It's one thing if you're Superman or the Avengers or the cops had been working with him previously. But this is a guy they think blew up a building. They aren't backing down cuz he says please.
Second, "Go get him tiger." It was a little too precious and cute, but fine. Then you dwelled on it for another paragraph. You had Miles to over and over it and inflate the importance of it to ridiculous levels.
Finally, the reveal. Meh. It would be one thing if you'd been building to it since the beginning. But this felt just as rushed as when Jefferson told Miles the story and then immediately died. There's no weight behind it.
At first I thought perhaps it was going to be Peter with a split personality. That, while kind of a slap in the face, would have been ballsy and held weight. Peter is his mentor. He's been there since the beginning. This is a real betrayal. The choice you made, to me, made me feel like, "Whatever."
Hope the next issue will change my mind. I do enjoy your writing so, keep em coming.
|
|
|
Post by Drake on Apr 3, 2014 23:31:57 GMT -5
1. The cop scene was supposed to be like that Amazing Spider-Man scene. I liked it. Anyway, there's also more to their video than what's been mentioned. They have reason to believe Spidey bombed Parker Tower as well as reason for the opposite. That'll be delved into in the next arc.
2. I can agree with this. I just felt the need to make a nice little nod to continuity with Ganke's "go get 'em, tiger" moment.
3. I guess I haven't featured that character nearly enough for it, but I'm still ok with it. The whole point was it was supposed to come out of nowhere, but be obvious in hindsight. Reread the past chapters. All the hints were there. Really, also, it makes for a better plot. I have to disagree with you there. To each their own I guess.
I'm not a fan of the Pete identity idea. I dunno...it just feels like a forced crappy fanfic idea. Sorry you didn't enjoy the reveal and this issue.
Thanks for reviewing! I hope you enjoy the finale!
|
|