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Post by Deleted on Nov 14, 2014 21:59:35 GMT -5
The Thunderbolts are coming to All-Star Marvel! #1 is coming soon!
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Post by Deleted on Nov 15, 2014 16:06:53 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Nov 27, 2014 17:47:12 GMT -5
#1 is 70% complete! Just a little longer...
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Post by Deleted on Dec 1, 2014 21:25:00 GMT -5
#1 is up!
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Post by Deleted on Dec 1, 2014 21:26:02 GMT -5
Also, there's a coding error in Punisher's section. I tried fixing it, but it messed up everything else, so just ignore it.
Edit: And there's one in Ghost Rider's too.
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Post by All Star Silentking on Dec 1, 2014 22:15:42 GMT -5
Characters: 6.5/10 (The characters weren't developed that much beyond Punisher and Bruce.) Story/Writing: 7/10 (An okay first introduction to the characters, set-up for why this should exist, and paving down the road to interesting stories. Also ignoring the bad coding mainly because you mentioned trying to fix it but it refused to co-operate.) Ending: 7.5/10 (Thunderbolts vs Hulk? Hell yeah. Also did you read Ultimates? Because Hulk's origin appears to be based on the Ultimate version but I acknowledge it could be a coincidence.) Entertainment: 7/10 (I'm gonna level with you. I never got over excited while reading. But I never got bored and was only taken out of the story because of the coding problems) Overall: 7/10
Good news? I think it is only because you need to set up the series that you get a 7/10. I except the quality to shoot up now you don't have to worry about exposition.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 1, 2014 22:21:17 GMT -5
Thanks for the review. Yes, Hulk's origin was based on the Ultimate universe. A gamma explosion is too luck-based, and I like the idea of Bruce becoming Hulk by his own doing.
Also I fixed a few of the problems with coding.
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Post by thetrueelec on Dec 1, 2014 22:42:26 GMT -5
It was good, it introduced the characters, set up the reason for the teams existence, and had a hook for the first story. But there just wasn't anything that hooked me.
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Post by All Star Silentking on Dec 1, 2014 22:45:59 GMT -5
Aka what I said! XD
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Post by Drake on Dec 1, 2014 23:08:05 GMT -5
For me, the hook was that they were going to hunt down the Hulk. That's definitely got me interested.
Some of your references to continuity--or rather, not pure continuity (as in the author hasn't reached five issues yet)--felt natural, but creates a problem if the authors don't reach five issues. Still, that was fine, until you mentioned Iron Man. He hasn't even been claimed yet. I get why you did it, and I have faith, but please refrain from ballsy continuity references like that in the future. Also, please note this won't effect my grade of the issue.
I, for one, really liked this issue. I will say that I do have a few problems with the title. For one, as I read this I kept wondering why the hell would Punisher join a government-supervised team? It just seems wrong, but I trust you'll create a solid reason for it.
Second, Deadpool was a little disappointing. I don't know. I expected more. It's only the first issue, so you're fine, but keep that in mind in the future (and PLEASE break the Fourth Wall).
Third, there's some clunky font with Hulk and GR. Try making it larger, because as of right now it's a bit hard to read and definitely threw me out of the story.
Lastly, my biggest problem, why the hell would Banner test the serum in public without ever having done trials (or possibly--although you didn't say that--just human trials)? It's ridiculous and never would happen in real life. Sorry, my father's a successful entrepreneur/inventor and I grew up with this in my life. If there's one thing intelligent, proud scientists will do it's experiment and test their products.
Overall, I really liked it. I know you can't tell that from my critiques, but I did. I just prefer typing out the negatives in review, probably because there's usually a lot of positives.
7.9/10. Not quite that 8/10 greatness.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 1, 2014 23:21:02 GMT -5
Thanks for the review. Y'know, next issue I'll just stick with normal font for GR and Hulk. I bet everyone knows they sound like monsters anyway.
Edit: Also, I'm claiming Iron Man in the future, remember?
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Post by Drake on Dec 2, 2014 10:48:26 GMT -5
I am aware, but it isn't claimed yet. Precontinuity continuity references are usually not allowed because if a title is dropped and something isn't in continuity it creates a problem for all the potential writers and current writers. Luckily, yours was only a small reference.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 2, 2014 16:07:26 GMT -5
I thought it was a pretty decent first issue, setting everything up.
I did think that the opening was a bit rough, with Fury just kind of basically saying no and wandering off, while this group of apparently influential and powerful people sat there and did a bit of screaming, but, there we are.
Interested to see the guys fight against Hulk, and I sort of agree with Drake, scientists, tend not to inject themselves with random junk. Still, Comics! people do mental stuff all the time in comics, and it almost, never ends badly...
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Post by All Star Silentking on Dec 2, 2014 16:36:32 GMT -5
But it has gotten to a be a bit of a cliche at this point. If it hasn't already.
Edit: But still, it was decent and I have faith the next one will be better.
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Post by Stardrifter on Dec 2, 2014 17:28:23 GMT -5
I pretty much agree with everyone else. Decent introduction. Banner using an untested serum was stupid. Betty helping him was worse. I'm interested in where it's going.
As for the Iron Man mention, I think it should be taken out. That one name drop limits a potential writers time frame. Either they contradict what you wrote and your issue becomes a gaffe, or they are forced to establish Iron Man as being a hero at present date. Is it a major problem? Maybe not but its bad form.
And sure you plan to claim Iron Man, but the best laid schemes of mice and men...You haven't claimed him yet and any writer could come in and claim him until you do.
All that said, good start and I hope things escalate nicely. Keep em coming.
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Post by Drake on Dec 2, 2014 19:33:13 GMT -5
I'd recommend the same as Star.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 3, 2014 21:41:45 GMT -5
Removed the Iron Man reference.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 13, 2014 18:44:30 GMT -5
#2 is up!
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Post by Drake on Dec 14, 2014 11:42:03 GMT -5
This is what I was waiting for...all around! First off, two weeks and you got a second issue up. AND it's better than the first. Put up your Iron Man claims. You're good.
All the reasons the members joined make sense to me. I like it. Deadpool was much funnier this issue. He quite easily stole the show. I lol'd at the "many people were angry" line. Poking fun at yourself and us was a nice touch. On a similar note, I'm waiting for when Punisher's overt anger/hatefulness/etc. causes him to be funny, much in the same way that Superior Spider-Man was funny because you were laughing at him. It's certainly hard to do, but if you get it right it'll be hilarious!
The Castiglione tease was fun. I can guess what that implies but I'm excited to find our for real. I'm also REALLY excited for Red She-Hulk and the Leader.
8.5/10 because no T-Bolts is God#$%^-%$^&ing-Amazing(!!!) without action.
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Post by thetrueelec on Dec 15, 2014 19:29:24 GMT -5
So I liked most of this issue, but I had a problem with the Deadpool part, not that it wasn't good but because in my experience Deadpool is at best not know by the public, and never loved and I feel like if that were the case here it would make his scene with Ross more emotional. because while Deadpool is well known for being funny he's also a tragic character and I feel if he was trying to become a hero, which is a common thing with him, it would come across better than just him wanting to up his already good reputation.
Obviously this is your story and I'm not saying to go back and change it I just wanted to put it out there.
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Post by All Star Silentking on Dec 15, 2014 21:58:04 GMT -5
Characters: 7.5/10 (Much better characterization all around. Except Ghost Rider who is kind of bland. Ross was definitely far more interesting here by proving to be magnificent bastard towards Francis-I mean Frank. And Deadpool is definitely funnier although not quite as funny as the main version. And not because there was no fourth wall breaking. Uncanny X-Force vol. 3 and the latest Deadpool series proves he can be hilarious without breaking the fourth wall too much. I also echo thetruelic about Deadpool as well.)
Story/Writing: 7/10 (Same as last time. Still going through exposition and what-not. At least it is natural. Also, there is a spelling error. Can't remember where, but I saw it.)
Ending: 8/10 (Yeah, can't wait for Leader and Red She-Hulk. Interesting changes to the characters by the way.)
Entertainment: 7.2/10 (My interest is piqued a bit more here, but not overly so. But at least it is getting better.)
Overall: 7.4/10
Definitely better issue this time around, and still looking forward to more.
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Post by Drake on Dec 16, 2014 11:10:55 GMT -5
This was a good issue. I'll admit, I think I liked last issue more, but #3 was certainly fun. The action was great, I'm still enjoying Deadpool although he was less funny this issue. His dramatic moment was fantastic! GR is, as SK has mentioned, the most bland. An accent does not make a man. Honestly, I don't know what you can do. I have barely more than no experience with Johnny Blaze. Also, referring to Philip as Madman before introducing him as such could throw off anyone. I had to wiki the character to make sure it was his codename you were using.
Some glaring plot holes...
1. Why would Ross go into the field with the team? It doesn't make any sense to me.
2. Why wouldn't Leader just use his psychic mind**** powers to stop Ross and the others? I mean, I get his ego working and him deciding to let his henchmen do the work, but you'd think a scientist like him wouldn't use an untested specimen like Abdul on Ross.
7.8/10
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Post by Stardrifter on Dec 16, 2014 11:51:36 GMT -5
2
Not really a fan of Ghost Rider. He's just sitting in a chair talking in GR form? It just...I feel like he should be all business in GR form and it was weird. But that might just be me. I'm not too familiar with him in the comics.
The giant infodump about Betty at the end was just awkward. I feel like we should have seen some of this instead of being told. You could have interspersed some scenes with Leader and Betty throughout the issue, breaking up the recruitment scenes and showing rather than telling. Also, while failed attempts at SSS might be more believable than gamma rays, the amount of SSS after just two issues is getting silly.
Otherwise I liked the DP and Punisher scenes. While jails do have a thing called solitary to deal with people like Castle, I feel like Ross kinda blackmailing him does make some sense. And your DP is fun.
3
So right off the bat we have some issues. You contradict yourself. In 2 Ross says Leader used a serum on himself to gain smarts and then created a better version for Betty. In 3 Leader says he used it on Betty and then himself.
Which also raises many questions. Why did Leader choose a woman who wouldn't be loyal to him in the least? Why did he choose a dead woman? Why did he choose the daughter of a general who would seek vengeance? How did he even get her body?
The serum bit is bugging me more. At this point it's just a "do whatever the plot demands" device. Attempts at recreating the SSS, a serum that gave a scrawny kid peak human abilities and nothing more, can now...
1. Allow a man to turn into a giant green unkillable rage monster who gets stronger the angrier he gets. 2. Create a giant green monster that doesn't change back. 3. Raise the dead and turn a woman into a red monster. 4. Give a man no physical abilities but increase his intelligence and give him psychic powers.
Honestly all 4 of those are much more impressive than Captain America, except for the Hulk's uncontrollability.
The action was decent. I echo not understanding why Ross is there. Or even his plan. You have two men with no powers, a merc with no powers beyond being unkillable, and Ghost Rider. So you walk up to the door and knock? Honestly Ross and the team succeeding in this would make Leader and his team look completely inept.
I don't mean to come down on you. The writing itself is well done and you do well with the characters. It's just the plot itself that doesn't seem well thought out. Some decisions not taken to their logical conclusion. But I'll keep reading, so keep em coming.
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Post by Drake on Dec 16, 2014 18:43:18 GMT -5
This may just be the mystery geek in me talking, but I feel like Thunderbolts could really use a mystery. You've essentially told us everything in a couple issues. Leave something major untold. Let us guess, wonder, and freak out at every little hint till you decide to unveil the truth.
Or, like I said, that may just be the mystery geek talking.
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Post by thejellyfish on Dec 16, 2014 19:57:10 GMT -5
The plot and concept of this title is something that I really enjoy. But, Drake gets it. There's no mystery. We were told about Betty and The Leader. I don't think we really needed to be told about that at all. Shown? Yes, but not told.
The writing is good, though, aside from the formatting issues. You've got your characters down, but Deadpool isn't doing it for me just yet. The headshot moment was hilarious, but that was it. All in all, there is promise - a lot of it- you just need to smooth some stuff out.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 17, 2014 2:30:22 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Dec 17, 2014 18:23:47 GMT -5
Question to anyone: If a Thunderbolt got his own title, who should it be?
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Post by Drake on Dec 17, 2014 19:12:27 GMT -5
Ghost Rider. He's easily the weakest of the characters and so he could use some outside development. Plus, we need some more supernaturalness on the site, and it would open the door to me eventually writing Robbie Reyes.
....eventually
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Post by adrini on Dec 18, 2014 20:36:16 GMT -5
I don't know if you've written before but you're very good.
As per the beginning a greater description of the X-factor team could have better illustrated the kind of team the government wanted to make.
Other then that no real issues, it's only chapter three so I tend to give time for people to come to full form. However for only having three parts out color me impressed.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 18, 2014 23:42:05 GMT -5
I wrote an issue of Toxin, but it plummeted instantly. I think I write better with teams than solo characters.
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