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Post by jordan on Jan 31, 2013 21:36:52 GMT -5
The four men will return next issue to finish that piece of the story. As for Ben's part, there is a point to it more than just to get rid of him. And we will get more about his crush on Valeria.
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Feb 1, 2013 10:18:27 GMT -5
I'm not going to comment on each individual issue just because there's a lot to comment on. So the highlights...
I know the intro issues were done by someone else, but they were done very well. Kudos.
Elephant in the Room was, just, weird. Maybe I need to go reread it again, but a lot of stuff just didn't make sense.
To me, this seems an odd choice of lineup. Franklin Richards, Valeria Richards, Scarlet Spider, and Human Torch?
It doesn't seem like a good balance personality-wise or power-wise, since at this point it seems like Franklin Richards could handle every situation since he can, you know, alter reality. A team lineup depends on each member of the team being essential, and I just don't see how that could work here.
I like Valeria and Ben's characterizations so far.
My favorite part of the series so far is DOOOOOOM!!! He's so wonderfully hammy but still a legitimate threat, which is everything Doom should be.
The last chapter was... confusing. The story of the four men, the five points in the star, Dr. Doom's apparent plan to kill all of his loyal citizens and just happen to take the Fantastic Four with him? I've reread it several times and now I just think I need a GPS because each time I get more lost than before.
At this point, I'm wondering if some minor date edits should just make this and the current Spider-Man lineup a "future" title with other titles remaining in the past and/or present.
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Post by jordan on Feb 5, 2013 21:09:41 GMT -5
The end of my first arc of Fantastic Four.
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Post by Drake on Feb 5, 2013 21:50:12 GMT -5
Very good. Not even going to mention the occasional grammar error. I do have to ask though, before I give my final statement, how did the Fountain's powers activate when it was supposed to be four "true of heart" when Doom was clearly not, and it could be argued the ginger was neither as he hit an elderly man. And is that old Doom the same as the modern?
The ending reveal was exciting, if a little predictable. I look forward to more.
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Post by jordan on Feb 6, 2013 0:15:02 GMT -5
As much as I would love to answer your questions, Drake, there are just too many secrets I cannot yet reveal!
As for the twist of Jim Hammond, it was a bit predictable, I pride myself more are the reveal of the elder man.
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Post by Drake on Feb 6, 2013 18:25:47 GMT -5
Alright, with that in mind I'll give it a 9/10.
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Post by All Star Silentking on Feb 9, 2013 19:54:38 GMT -5
Doom probably found a loop hole in how the fountain work. It is Doom after all. Anyway, the stories were very good although I can't comment on whether they written well or not. Been a while since I last read them. But I remember enjoying them especially with the reveal at the end of the fourth issue for both the sub plot and the main plot. 8.5/10 For both overall since the third issue was okay but the fourth was great.
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Feb 19, 2013 15:56:36 GMT -5
There were quite a few noticeable spelling and grammar errors in this chapter and last chapter, as well as some very awkward choices of words.
I really think this could have been done better with some third-party editing.
The narrator has a very active voice in the past story, and it really throws the whole thing off. The narrator shouldn't feel like their own character unless you have a character actually telling the story.
I'm probably not explaining it well. Here:
This starts off really well. Vivid imagery, intriguing characters, thought the description of "a most righteous beard" sounds more like something out of Surf Ninjas. The bit in parentheses really shouldn't be there, but the point I'm trying to make is that at the bolded part, the narrator expresses his own opinions and becomes a character, which shouldn't happen unless the twist was that the entire scene was an actual character telling the story to someone else.
A lot of this is really good, descriptive, and flavorful, but falls short due to awkward grammar and phrasing. An outside look can really help with that.
You have two separate plots going which can work if they tie together. As far as I've read, they don't. Not really. Aside from the blunted star there's nothing in one plot that's really relevant to the other.
The past story is still just confusing, raising far more questions than it answers. I know you're trying to take the readers for a trip down the rabbit hole, but right now it's just confusing, when you want it to be intriguing. It would help if we knew what time period the past story takes place in, or if we even had some names for "star guy," "ginger," and "righteous beard." Maybe not full names, since you seem intent on keeping that a secret, but even just first names or aliases. If this were a comic, with full pictures and imagery, it would be less of an issue, but with text, it's a lot easier for the reader to get lost.
Of course I'm just as confused by the modern plot. So the Fantastic Four somehow show up in Latveria at a private ball for Doom with no explanation as to how they got there in the first place, they investigate things, and Doom for some reason pits his noble guests against the revolting peasants because... why? This just seems like a bad move on his part to weaken his own power base. The only thing that's changed as a result is now the FF know that Doom has an impostor Jim Hammond, and as he said, likely can figure out he's a skrull. So far this seems like nothing but a loss for who's supposed to be a villainous mastermind.
The robots having that much personality is weird, especially as Doom comments they really shouldn't have any personality. They're robots.
Well that's enough of the cons. As for the pros:
Once I look past the grammar issues, the descriptive imagery and flavor is wonderful. I can actually see most of the scenes in my mind.
I like the characterization of Valeria and Ben so far, as I've said so far. I haven't seen enough of the others to pass a judgment, though I'll probably be biased against Franklin Richards. Nothing that's your fault, but any problem that isn't immediately solved by the guy who can warp reality raises some eyebrows. I'm reserving my opinion on Doom. I liked his personality in his first appearance, but the whole ballroom fiasco leaves me questioning his competency as a villain.
EDIT: One other minor thing that bugged me. I had to reread this at least twice because I keep associating "Ben" with "Ben Grimm," which is rather confusing. My personal opinion would be to start referring to him as his superhero name or surname.
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Post by jordan on Feb 19, 2013 18:18:42 GMT -5
I will fix Ben's name in #5 because I can see how that would be confusing. As for your problems with Doom, just wait and see. We've only seen phase one of his master plan.
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Post by Stardrifter on Mar 8, 2013 22:33:58 GMT -5
So read everything up to current. Wachter's issues were really good and I think you've kept that going Jordan. All I all its a very good story you have going, except for the climax. The last issue ended with a whimper rather than a bang. Even with the reveal, it seemed anti-climactic. Hell, why didn't Franklin just deal with it himself? I don't get it.
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Post by Stardrifter on Mar 8, 2013 22:40:31 GMT -5
I am confused about one thing. When does this series take place? I got the feeling it was supposed to be set in the future, but the Continuity topic says the new F4 is created in 2012. So is it supposed to be present day?
If so it seems...odd. Scarlet and Black Spider seem a bit at odds with the events in Spider-Man. The technology seems a bit too advanced for the present. When did the original F4 come together?
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Post by jordan on Mar 9, 2013 1:07:09 GMT -5
The Foundation was launched on October 16th, 2010. The Original 4 were active in the 80's and 90's. Compared to the Foundation, the other tech isn't that impressive. Black Spider and Scarlet Spider are...too be announced. With keeping F4 in continuity while giving Drake the Green Light to re-reboot my brother's Spider-man, it left those two in a weird spot. We've worked it out though.
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Post by jordan on Mar 9, 2013 1:10:18 GMT -5
I'll say this because people keep bringing Franklin up and why didn't he deal with it? His powers are not the same. Though he is extremely powerful, his powers take a different turn in this story. I was originally going to address this in a later issue, but it will he addressed in #5 to give people closure on Franklin.
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Post by jordan on Mar 9, 2013 14:04:33 GMT -5
About 200 words shorter than my average issue, but I really like this one and think it helps flesh out the characters of Franklin, Sue and Reed Richards. I hope you guys enjoy.
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Post by All Star Silentking on Mar 9, 2013 15:43:39 GMT -5
I didn't like it. The sudden change to using first person threw me off and everything else was just plain okay, making it hard to get into it. There were also a few grammar mistakes, but I think I noticed them because it was so hard to get into the story. Except for the Franklin scene. That was pretty good although there was some flaws. Don't know why I felt it was flawed, though it has to do with the dialogue from Susan Richards. Not how she was portrayed, just her dialogue seems... off. Same for Reed as well. Portrayed well, dialogue seemed off enough for it to seemed cliched. 6/10. Also, why did Ben go through that man's wallet? Doesn't seem heroic. I guess it was to find out his name, but I am not sure if that is necessary.
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Post by jordan on Mar 9, 2013 17:34:43 GMT -5
This is the only issue I have planned to be in first person. But the reason it is in first person is because I feel like I can better portray emotions in a first person dialogue than a third person without it feeling forced.
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Post by Drake on Mar 9, 2013 23:35:20 GMT -5
It was good. The first person definitely threw me off. It doesn't work very well in a team title. 'Specially when you're juggling multiple POV characters. Also, the Franklin scene seemed forced, as if it didn't belong in this issue. I know why you put it in but...well, it just wasn't working for me. Another thing that caught me off guard was the "Spider-Girl" typo. That's really just a me and my claims thing, and it isn't a big deal, but you might want to fix it. This also felt quite short. Maybe that's just me.
On to the good. Anya's and Ben's characterizations were quite good. Franklin was pretty good. Reed and Sue were a little better than decent. There weren't many grammar errors, and you got done what you meant to, so that's good. 7/10.
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Post by jordan on Mar 10, 2013 1:11:18 GMT -5
I can't seem to find it. If you can point out the typo I will fix it immediately.
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Post by All Star Silentking on Mar 10, 2013 1:59:29 GMT -5
Suddenly a weight drops down onto the gargoyle beside me and my head jerks to the right. βHey there.β She says, a sassy smile curving her lips. This is not the Spider-Girl that I remember.
Is that what you are talking about Drake?
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Post by Drake on Mar 10, 2013 11:20:42 GMT -5
Yep. That was it.
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Post by jordan on Mar 10, 2013 12:14:16 GMT -5
Fixed it. I hope you guys enjoy F4 #6 more when it's finished.
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Post by Stardrifter on Mar 10, 2013 19:42:59 GMT -5
It was an okay little issue. Pretty much agree with everyone else. I would say that the revelation about Franklin is a bit silly. If his powers are giving him cancer, why put him in a position where using his powers are life and death? Why be a hero when you KNOW you're going to get in fights. He could be doing plenty of good using his powers to help people in non-combat situations where he can control how much he does. It just felt like an excuse to keep him from going God mode.
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Post by jordan on Mar 10, 2013 20:20:55 GMT -5
He's on the team in the field because when it comes down to it, he's their last resort.
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Post by jordan on Jun 20, 2013 0:16:48 GMT -5
F4 #6 is up. Galactus Trilogy Part I Part 1.
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Post by Drake on Jun 21, 2013 13:41:23 GMT -5
I liked it. Franklin seemed a bit OOC and his and Ben's hostility towards each other seemed odd. Maybe I missed something in the first six issues, but I don't remember any sort of friction between the two, and Frank certainly seemed a lot...brighter. 7.5/10
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Post by jordan on Jun 21, 2013 15:52:42 GMT -5
You didn't miss anything, it's something that will be greatly expanded upon in Issue #9-12.
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Post by Stardrifter on Jun 22, 2013 20:45:42 GMT -5
It was okay. There were a ton of proofreading errors. Some downright funny ones. If I wasn't typing this on my phone I'd copy/paste some to show you.
Besides the errors it was okay. Mostly setup. I'd have liked to see you build toward Galactus instead of going to him so quickly, but c'est la vie. Keep em coming.
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Post by All Star Silentking on Jun 22, 2013 21:33:16 GMT -5
Sorry for not reviewing sooner. Yeah, I was just not feeling this issue. It was not horrible, but hopefully the rest of the arc would make up for this. 7/10
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