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Post by Deleted on Apr 22, 2015 21:09:03 GMT -5
I'm surprised I never posted a review. Better late than never, I guess.
As a big Colossus fan, it's really great to read something that he's actually prominent in. Recently he's kinda been just...there. It's quite refreshing to see in the limelight a little.
Yes, this title has its fair share of typos, but they're never that distracting to me. It takes me less than a second to figure out what the actual word is, and then I move on.
I too hope QS and SW can get into the Avengers. They're one of my favorite comic duos (second to Power Man and Iron Fist).
So far, I give this title a 7.5/10. It's got some heart and lots of character variety.
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Post by adrini on Apr 23, 2015 23:04:42 GMT -5
Chapter 9 up.
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Post by Stardrifter on May 2, 2015 14:29:55 GMT -5
Kind of a dull issue. Nothing bad, just not very engaging. You're still having the Mystic/Mystique issue. It confused me at first becaus I thought someone was calling Wanda a mystic.
Not much else to add. Keep me coming.
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Post by adrini on May 30, 2015 11:52:41 GMT -5
Next chapter up.
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Post by Drake on Jun 1, 2015 12:03:45 GMT -5
Just going to go through this and review it as I read it.
-At first I thought Skye was a rebel, but now...? I guess she wants to be a hero. -Forgot to mention there's still spacing issues. -I never realized Emma and Shaw hadn't realized X-Factor was SHIELD. And they're contracted? That's very unlike the Hellfire Club. It's your interpretation, so do as you like, but please explain how everything works. Nitpick. -Describe new characters' appearances. You give us nothing for Sinister. You all told us his name, as opposed to having characters say it. The latter is usually the right way to go for mysterious people IMHO. Nitpick. -Dystopic heroes like Nate and Rachel calling people "Uncle *insert name here" made me lose it. I think they've done it before, but the absurdity of a bad ass like Cable calling anyone "Uncle *name*" like a kid caused me to laugh. I'm sorry. I know family is your thing, but not everyone has to be so...I don't know the right word. Lovey dovey? Cutesy? Familial? Cutesy seems best, because the whole "let's save our family" is an okay motivation. -I feel like you really need to explore the consequences of psychic powers. So far it's been a plot device, not a plot point. There are ethics to it. The best X-runs explore those. Jean crosses the line. I know most of the time she warns people, or tells them not to let her, but there's those few times where it's wrong but she does it anyway. -What the hell happened in the breakdown scene? -Skye's attracted to Alex? What is it with her and powered blond guys? Not a nitpick, just amused. In fact, I love it! -Alex plays WoW? I mean...okay. I have. There's nothing wrong with it, but he never seemed to be the nerdy type. Like, at all. It's your take, so whatever, but I'm just starting to realize you inject a lot of nerdy habits into not-so-nerdy characters. There needs to be a variety. Who watches sports? Who plays sports, for that matter? That's a classic X-Men thing. Videogames aren't even 1/1000 as iconic as those baseball scenes. -Decent cliffhanger. Unexpected and I like it.
6.8/10. Don't know why, but I wasn't feeling this issue.
EDIT: I realize my comments about Alex playing WoW were a bit vague, particularly for something that I imagine was thrown in there absent-mindedly. To me, it's those little things that make a character. That's why it's so important to me that you get them right.
To clarify a bit on the WoW point, I'm going to use The New Mutants as my reference. Each character in NM is radically different than the others. There's the nerdy one, an alien robot, a warrior leader, a Southern cowboy (I don't mean in that in the stereotypical way; Sam's personality is just very "go get 'em"...also, I'm from Oklahoma), etc. Some of them, like Cypher (Doug Ramsey) or maybe even Warlock (the robot) could totally play WoW. It would develop their characters a bit and make them feel more real. Cannonball (Sam Guthrie) or Mirage (Dani Moonstar) on the other hand? No way. Sam's a sportsy type and Dani's a calm, composed, "I don't have a lot of time for videogames" leader type. It wouldn't make sense for them to play World of Warcraft.
To me, you essentially made Sam or Dani play WoW in that Alex scene. Again, I admit it's your take, but everyone should have different interests. That's what makes the X-Men so interesting as a cast: they're all radically different from one another. You haven't quite captured that in X-Factor yet. It's the title's biggest weakness. Every one of the heroes (beyond looks and powers) acts relatively similar and has similar interests.
BTW I liked how you gave Wanda her movie powers. Totally random, but I forgot to mention that in my review.
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Post by adrini on Jun 1, 2015 18:21:47 GMT -5
Just going to go through this and review it as I read it. -At first I thought Skye was a rebel, but now...? I guess she wants to be a hero. Working with SHIELD Mutant division is just about as rebel as you can get if you think about it. If you like I can have her dye her hair bright orange as well. Fair point. I'll fix that after I'm done here. I'll gladly go into it, as up coming I'm developing the people they kidnapped. Another fair point. I'll be sure to expand on that. That's 99% to make Rachel feel better. Nathan would like to really be like that again but so long as the future is still in danger he's hedging his bets. Rachel has just jumped all in. But if it's a choice between "mom and dad time" or her dwelling on what was done to her under Sinister - he's okay with the former. By a long shot. It's being explored. That is literally what the ending leads to. Your wish will soon be granted. Que? [/quote] -Skye's attracted to Alex? What is it with her and powered blond guys? Not a nitpick, just amused. In fact, I love it! [/quote] He seemed like her type. If I can pull it off I'm going to try some teen drama. Wish me luck. Sports are hard. I watched the animated X-men and they were cheerleaders and athletes. And I loved that. The difficulty is that with SHIELD and the base I've boxed myself in. There is a *training* room and a *gym* in the base but no sports room to speak of. I would love to work in touch football or baseball (with powers!) but finding out where is hard. *Watching* sports is incredibly obvious and yet never occurred to me. I'm going to do that now. Thank you. Thanks. I've been looking forward to it. 6.8/10. Don't know why, but I wasn't feeling this issue. EDIT: I realize my comments about Alex playing WoW were a bit vague, particularly for something that I imagine was thrown in there absent-mindedly. To me, it's those little things that make a character. That's why it's so important to me that you get them right. [/quote] In my experience even the jocks I've known had *some* nerd hobby. And it made sense to me. He and Scott jumped homes and lived in separate areas. WOW seemed like a place they could hang out and have fun more easily then most, no matter where they were. I have to admit I have not read New Mutants, so much of this is lost on me. But I agree about the different roles. I've actually been trying to work on that via the confines I'm working with. I'll try to brainstorm more about how to fit them in more. Wanda's powers are...fascinating. And really varied. In doing research I found all kind of takes on them. Marvel might want to come to a consensus on that one. But the movie ones are known and very workable. Sorry you did feel it, but that happens. Maybe next time.
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Post by Drake on Jun 2, 2015 12:49:28 GMT -5
The breakdown scene I was talking about was Jean's psychic....attack, maybe? I wasn't really sure what was happening.
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Post by Stardrifter on Jun 2, 2015 15:13:48 GMT -5
Not to sound like a broken record, but you need a lot of proofreading. Not just spelling errors but wrong words, wrong versions of words, missing capitalization, and more. It's so rampant it's distracting.
As for the story, not bad. I didn't realize Shaw and company didn't know of SHIELD's involvement either, which is an nice twist. I haven't watched AoS since the first three or four episodes so I have no idea how you're doing with Skye. Except I don't despise your version so that's one up on the show.
I agree with Drake that the sudden attack(?) on Jean, Scott, Maria, and Nick wasn't handled well. I don't get what was going on exactly. Jean told Maria and Nick to leave. Why? If it was some psychic thing then they're location didn't matter. Not sure why Scott and Jean would have stayed behind either. The whole thing just didn't make sense.
As for Alex and WoW(though WoW is never said and it isn't the only game with Druids), I have no problem with it. No one is a stereotype. Alex is described as liking to "sruf", but being into sports doesn't mean you then hate video games. And "geek culture" is in right now.
Now I do take issue with him letting some random new chick play his character. There's a sense of ownership he should have over a character he put that much time into that he wouldn't just let other people mess with it.
Anyway, not a bad issue but a number of problems that still need to be worked out. Keep em coming.
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Post by adrini on Jun 29, 2015 1:09:17 GMT -5
Chapter up.
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Post by Stardrifter on Jul 4, 2015 15:56:43 GMT -5
This Sunday, Jean Grey will enter the ELIMINATION CHAMBER! Six mutants, only one will come out the ASMU Champion!
Yeah calling it the elimination chamber made me immediately think of wrestling. As for the issue itself, kinda felt rushed. Interesting to bring in Bishop and that whole angle with Mystique. The ideas are sound, but felt like they should have been fleshed out more.
Keep em coming.
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Post by adrini on Jul 4, 2015 23:01:07 GMT -5
Keep you coming? It was meant to feel rushed. They think it's tuesday afternoon, nothing really to report. But it isn't. It's a whole new game. The three will be fleshed out, this was just an introduction. So long as there was a flash of interest to start off with that's enough till next chapter.
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Post by Stardrifter on Jul 4, 2015 23:32:41 GMT -5
Keep you coming? *cough* I have no idea what you're talking about...
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Post by adrini on Jul 4, 2015 23:34:57 GMT -5
LOL
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Post by Drake on Jul 5, 2015 14:47:58 GMT -5
I'm still lost on the plot. What's going on? Did Jean have a breakdown? Why were there videogame controllers flying around? Also, how the hell does Mystique know about the future people?
Beyond that, it was decent. Nice reveal in relation to Jean. I'm wondering where the Hellfire Club went, but I suspect they'll be back soon. Some of the mysteries (that are supposed to be mysteries, I think) are interesting. There's a lot going on.
6.8/10 because I still have no idea what just happened.
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Post by adrini on Jul 5, 2015 14:58:17 GMT -5
We will indeed be seeing more hellfire club. You are correct.
I'll be sure to spell things out in future so that they are more easily understood.
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Post by Drake on Jul 5, 2015 14:59:53 GMT -5
Did Jean have a telekinetic breakdown and that's why stuff was flying around? I'd honestly think much better of the issue if I knew what had happened in the previous issue.
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Post by adrini on Jul 5, 2015 15:04:12 GMT -5
Wanda, but her scene is next episode so I can see that being unclear.
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Post by Drake on Jul 5, 2015 21:22:57 GMT -5
Ah...SHIELD's got a hell of a problem. Two Omega levels. Sheesh. That's crap luck.
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Post by adrini on Jul 5, 2015 21:29:37 GMT -5
She's not yet, but she's getting there. And yes, that's a problem.
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Post by adrini on Aug 28, 2015 13:07:19 GMT -5
Next chapter up!
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Post by thejellyfish on Aug 28, 2015 15:33:59 GMT -5
A lot was going on, however, due to grammar issues parts are unclear. I'm not entirely sure why everyone split off in different directions, but I'm sure that will get answered next chapter. I am very excited for what's next.
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Post by Drake on Aug 29, 2015 11:45:45 GMT -5
Whoo boy. Long issue. A lot happened.
So, Jean and Xavier know each other? Okay. I hadn't realized how much we didn't know about her past.
Just a biased nitpick, but it made me frown, Pietro would let Wanda have the seat. She's his priority.
There were definitely more grammar errors than usual, which was jarring at times. However, your characterization was solid and I enjoyed getting some more scenes with the villains. However, it wasn't what you hyped it up to be. I expected a villain-centric issue. It wasn't at all. However, you could use one. Right now, I don' t understand any of the villains' motivations. On a similar note, I guess we're finally getting to the real baddies of this story: Apocalypse and Sinister. Real excited about that.
Shaw's not a mutant? Interesting take on him, but I wonder why you don't just use Senator Kelly, especially if you're not really using the Hellfire Club. It just feels like a waste.
BTW, why is Rachel not wondering where her brother is? Why the hell is no one wondering why that guy (Cable) showed up and then randomly left without his sister?
I'm so pumped for what comes next! X-Men crossover! Apocalypse! SHIELD vs. X-Factor! I can't wait!!
7.25/10
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Post by Drake on Sept 27, 2015 22:10:43 GMT -5
This was an okay issue. Much slower paced than your last one and the last crossover issue.
A few points: 1. Pietro never talks, which is very unlike him. Actually, I think he has one line all issue, while Wanda talks nonstop. It's like you've got their roles reversed. Now, I understand you prefer Wanda to Pietro, and you may even have trouble with bantery characters like him, but you should still give it a shot. 2. Legal action? As in the X-Factor people are going to represent themselves? Hell, even with an actual lawyer, I doubt they'd win. They're fighting a shady organization and they're mutants. That's a lost cause if I've ever seen one. 3. Where did the Hellfire Club come from? So they are a thing? And why are they listening to Sinister? He looks like a freak, like a mutant. 4. Again, no one is wondering where Cable went! The guy showed up and disappeared! 5. It's Phoenix, not Pheonix, FYI. 6. What the hell was the future tiara thing? I hope it was kept vague on purpose, because otherwise you definitely did not explain enough. 7. You described Sinister but missed his most iconic attribute: the diamond on his forehead. A nitpick, but I thought it was oddly funny. 8. Kurt's funny, but oddly missing his accent.
6.5/10. I know that looks bad, but my rating scale is skewed. 6.5 is essentially 'okay' in my book. 7s are good. 8s are great. 9s are freaking amazing, and 10s are one of the best things I've read.
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Post by thejellyfish on Sept 28, 2015 19:53:03 GMT -5
How did I not notice the Phoenix misspellings? My bad.
I like how this illustrated the differences between the two teams. Waiting for a meeting that won't happen was great, kinda made me feel bad. X-Factor don't consider the place a potential home and that's fine with me of course, but it would just bum some of X-Men out. They're very proud of what they accomplished. And the closest things the X-Men have to morning meetings are the school faculty meetings, but that's so different from what X-Factor is used to (and they're not faculty).
I also liked Cable and Bishop sneaking around the school. Two big, muscly dudes that no one has seen before just hanging out by a school. They kinda stand out, surprising no one caught them.
It was good to see the younger crowd again. Even if this title is mostly about the Summers family in a way, Jubilee, Pietro, and Wanda are some of the best characters in the title.
I'm excited to see what comes next, especially now that Storm and Nightcrawler are joining your team (but Kurt should absolutely have his accent, I'm with Drake on this one).
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Post by adrini on Sept 28, 2015 21:04:44 GMT -5
I missed the accent, honestly because I wasn't sure how to do it. Could you PM me a sample to study from?
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Post by adrini on Oct 23, 2015 21:01:25 GMT -5
Chapter up.
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Post by thejellyfish on Oct 23, 2015 21:28:51 GMT -5
And with both of our chapters up, I'm glad both of our titles can return to relative normalcy.
Good issue, the grammar is better than before, but this site has weird spacing issues. I always go back after originally posting and lose the extra space. It makes the page shorter and easier to read.
I love the juxtaposition between Skye's team and the actual X-Factor. X-Factor is practically on vacation while the teens are getting shot at. Fun times for everyone! Storm and Nightcrawler were great, I'm glad you have them now. I could never figure out anything big and meaningful for them to do other than stand there and occasionally talk to people or fight people. I couldn't figure out a way to better integrate them into the plot.
I love Maria, she's awesome. I like that she didn't realize where her team was. Elixir is great too, but that's just because he's from the same series as Pixie and Hellion. He's always been a favorite of mine from that cast.
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Post by Drake on Oct 23, 2015 23:31:12 GMT -5
Okay, so this was kinda awesome. Definitely my favorite issue in a while. A lot happened, but it was all clear and exciting.
Some critiques: your Nightcrawler voice is fine, but his accent is WAY off. Using 'z' does not an accent make. "Zu" for "you" was the most amusing mistake. It would simply be "you." "V" for "w" is a better choice, although "z" for "s" makes sense.
We're far into the series at this point, but I have no idea what the villains' motivations are. Shaw I kinda get. Emma's totally unclear to me. Sinister should be explained soon. Shaw should be given reasoning for his hate of mutants. I know you really prefer writing heroes, but you can't ignore the villains. You just can't. We don't need to know the end game yet, nor every little detail about every one, but general motivations would be nice.
Elixir feels tacked on, like he's only there because you needed a healer. His voice isn't exactly accurate. To be fair, your interpretation is an adult, so he would be different than the usual teen Elixir.
I understand your cast is so big that you don't have time to really explore every character, but Pietro is more than just his love for his sister. That's a good chunk of his feelings, but nowhere near all. You're getting better at his voice now. Let's just see if you can write him without saying something protective about his sister or being plainly rude (for example, you could have him throw out a sarcastic quip, or accidentally form connections with other characters). Another victim of this is Jubilee, who remains kind of personality-less.
8.75/10. Great issue.
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Post by thetrueelec on Dec 8, 2015 0:57:36 GMT -5
So I just read issues 7 and 8 and they were well written, besides some spelling/grammar mistakes, but that scene of them rescuing the kids really didn't have any conflict, everything just worked completely, even Jean and Emma's confrontation was really one sided and while that makes sense from a story perspective it also makes it really boring. In fact that's mostly true of the whole series so far all of the heroes seem to get along and enjoy the same stuff and none of the villains have even managed to be interesting let alone a credible threat.
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Post by Drake on Dec 9, 2015 10:24:58 GMT -5
^^^ That would still be my biggest problem with the series.
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