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Post by Drake on Aug 11, 2014 20:55:01 GMT -5
I said I was passionate; I mentioned all the work I'd already done. That's right. #1 is up!
It's a Brand New Day, true believers!
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Post by Drake on Aug 11, 2014 21:06:12 GMT -5
For an idea of how Pete's costume looks. It's practical, and it looks like it could be made by a high schooler, right? One of the threads of the title will be Peter updating his costume as he gets older and wiser, and as he needs it for his crime fighting.
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Post by Drake on Aug 11, 2014 21:07:29 GMT -5
It's a great redesign! Check out the rest of Rosy Higgins' art on deviantart!
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Post by Drake on Aug 11, 2014 21:54:20 GMT -5
So Peter's digital journal is up with a file on his only previous supervillain encounter, his costume sketch and an image of him in full costume, and a few digital journal entries that make up his new All Star origin.
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Post by thejellyfish on Aug 11, 2014 23:00:31 GMT -5
I love character redesigns! I would've totally used some as references for my X-Men had there been any good ones for Gambit, Hellion, and a few others. It's a good thing Kris Anka's Psylocke design is so good though. One of my favorite designs by him. In context of the story, I love the design you've chosen here. It works in a Babs Tarr 'Batgirl' kinda way (which is also a design I love).
Peter's thoughts kinda interjected in weird places. It kinda felt like it was interrupting the action. Now, you've got Pete's voice down as well as Spider-Man's voice down. A lot of stuff really clicked for me here. Just the thoughts were kinda all over.
Aunt May was alright, I guess. Kinda uptight, a little too strict. I think I've been watching too much Ultimate Spider-Man though, because I'm used to her fun, outgoing incarnation. Flash going off to basic was kinda sad. I don't know, based off of what happens to him in the comics, I'm worried for him. He's a personal favorite of mine.
Harry was great as well. I think I know what Harry was gonna tell Peter, but it might not be true. I don't want to say what it is in case it is true. The way you wrote that scene makes it seem like it is what I'm thinking.
So, to summarize, kinda average until it got to the just Peter bits, which were awesome. Good chapter, but the Pete's thoughts were all over the place during the beginning.
Also, all you need is to write Daredevil, Moon Knight, and X-Men, then we can start calling you "Drake Bendis".
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Post by thetrueelec on Aug 11, 2014 23:41:43 GMT -5
I liked this issue, the characters, especially Peter were really good for the little we got of most of them. My biggest problem is your use of quipped and joked after sentences, I feel if you have to tell the audience someone just made a joke your doing something wrong.
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Post by Drake on Aug 11, 2014 23:41:59 GMT -5
Really though? I should start writing like 50 titles too, and having all my characters sit around and eat breakfast.
I'm glad you liked it! There'll be no more thought bits in the future. That was just so I could skip an origin.
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Post by Drake on Aug 11, 2014 23:43:40 GMT -5
I'm glad you liked it too, elec! I'll hold back the quip and joke bits in the future. Those are just there because I like to use other versions of 'said.'
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Post by thejellyfish on Aug 11, 2014 23:48:36 GMT -5
Really though? I should start writing like 50 titles too, and having all my characters sit around and eat breakfast. I'm glad you liked it! There'll be no more thought bits in the future. That was just so I could skip an origin. Shit, I'd read that.
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Post by Stardrifter on Aug 12, 2014 8:20:45 GMT -5
It was okay. The narration and expo-dump was off putting. The only thing you really changed about his origin was Miles Warren, so it felt unnecessary. There's a lot better and less obtrusive ways you could have done it. Like, for instance, your journal entry. Which makes it's inclusion in the issue all the more pointless.
Otherwise it wasn't bad. You have the voice down. I don't like the costume but it works as a homemade deal. The plot itself just felt like an awkward place to enter the story. But I enjoyed your previous run so I look forward to this. Keep em coming.
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Post by Drake on Aug 12, 2014 11:31:49 GMT -5
Thanks for reviewing! I actually didn't come up with the journal idea till after I was done with the first issue, but I do regret not taking the time to think things through and maybe fix that.
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Post by jordan on Aug 13, 2014 1:10:37 GMT -5
This is definitely a stronger start than your Miles story, which means I have extremely high expectations for this title, as I'm sure most people do. In my personal opinion, All Star Spider-Man featuring Miles was the best run on this board, and definitely stacks up against the top runs against Ultimate DCs titles of the past and present. All that said, I expect a lot from this run. No pressure.
Anyway, it was technically sound, but it felt a little rushed. It didn't feel passionate, more like you just wanted to shove it out there. I get writing a whole issue in a sitting, sometimes that happens, and sometimes that just so happens to be a day after you claim it. It happens. But this doesn't come across as strong as I know it can. You have a lot of potential, don't squander it by puking issues out every other day.
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Post by Drake on Aug 13, 2014 10:36:54 GMT -5
Well I'm glad you liked it! Thanks. I hope to live up to your expectations.
I actually had this written a week or so before claiming Spider-Man. That being said, I did write it in one sitting. I'll slow down in the future.
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Aug 13, 2014 22:45:22 GMT -5
So typical Spider-Man intro. Not really any noticeable variations on the origin story. Spider-expostion is typical of Spider-Man comics so I can't really complain.
... Acme Labs? Really? What, were the radioactive spiders on loan to Mr. E. Coyote?
Pretty standard most of all. You've got your Peter, your Flash, your Harry. I wonder if how tasty the scenery Vulture was chewing on. A few noticeable grammar stuff, enough that it could have probably used a beta reader.
Overall good stuff though. Classic Spider-Man stuff.
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Post by Drake on Aug 13, 2014 22:54:51 GMT -5
Acme Labs is straight from the comics, circa 1962.
I'm definitely going for a classic Spider-Man vibe here. This entire arc will be classic Spidey. There's a fairly straight forward villain, who's also fairly sympathetic; there's crappy Parker luck; and then of course there's the brewing of romance and the conflict that brings. The real changes come in the arc following, although they may not be readily apparent. It will keep the classic Spidey vibe to it though.
I'm glad you liked it!
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Post by Drake on Aug 15, 2014 12:06:43 GMT -5
#2 is up! It's a long one!
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Post by adrini on Aug 15, 2014 19:23:12 GMT -5
Glad it's not just me who felt betrayed after Mother. Seriously wanted 9 years of my life back.
I like it. Cheerful, happy. But serious and well thought out. The characters ring true.
The world needs building but you're on chapter 2. So that's not surprising.
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Post by Drake on Aug 16, 2014 11:44:24 GMT -5
World building really begins in issue 4.
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Post by Stardrifter on Aug 16, 2014 12:26:49 GMT -5
Nitpicks out of the way...
1. Spider-Man's Spider Sense should have gone off before he could trip on the sleeping bag! /nerdvoice
2. It's just weird that you keep referring to Peter as the brunet. Then you used that for another character. What is your obsession with hair color?
I don't know. It wasn't a bad issue. It just didn't wow me. Just set some stuff up. I feel like you aren't setting yourself apart from typical Spider-Man stories like you did with Miles. I dunno. Keep em coming.
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Post by Drake on Aug 16, 2014 12:30:47 GMT -5
1. My argument would be that his spider sense only alerts him to imminent danger, not necessarily a sleeping bag, but you're probably right.
2. I dunno. You're right. I've been using hair color a lot, haven't I? It just happened that way, I guess.
3. Changes are coming. The first three issues are very typical Spider-Man affair to set up all the larger stories down the road.
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Post by thejellyfish on Aug 25, 2014 23:21:53 GMT -5
I actually really liked How I Met Your Mother's finale, but we're not here to talk about that, so don't bother bringing it up, like, ever.
One thing I always try to do with characters is give them likes and dislikes that are different to my own, in an effort to keep characters from becoming too much like me. Case in point, I actually really liked Star Trek: Into Darkness (sadly did not get to see the first one), but for totally different reasons than Kitty. I used Remy and Doug (both are massive Star Trek fans in 616) to express an opinion that I don't share in order to build their characters. In this case, however, both Gwen and Peter crapping on HIMYM's finale actually works, because so many people in the real world hated it. But the way it's written, it just comes across as you expressing your opinion through both characters.
I'm fine with the "typical Spider-Man affair" as you put it, because... well, it's Spidey, okay. It just works. You do enough to kinda set it apart from the typical Spidey story already, but that's all mostly visual stuff, like the costume, which I still love. And I love the college stuff here, I relate to it because I'm around Pete's age and some of my friends are starting their first year of college (I start my second in January, this year was a gap year).
Issue #2 is well written and sets up a story that I think will be more exciting than your last Spider-Man title.
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Post by Drake on Aug 26, 2014 15:16:34 GMT -5
Thanks for the review!
That's a good point with the HIMYM finale bit. I'll try to avoid that in the future.
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Sept 11, 2014 7:57:20 GMT -5
I still say using Acme labs is silly, even if the original comic did it. Especially when you have countless other Marvel Universe scientists and corporations to use instead.
Now that you've gotten the basic introductions out of the way, #2 was a much more enjoyable read than #1. Good plot and character development, good action, good pacing except for a few instances where dialogue rambled on more than it should have (specific example: "No." "Yes." "No.")
Now for the handful of minor issues I had:
1) you refer to Peter as a brunet. Technically this is correct, as brunette is the feminine version derived from the French brunet, but it is so uncommonly used that to most readers it sounds like you're calling Peter a girl.
2) you suddenly start referring to Mark as the Molten Man without any introduction or indication that that's how he would be known. Superhero and villain names should be earned. Someone should start calling him Molten Man before you start referring to him as such in the narrative text.
3) Not sure of you meant this or not, but it seems weird for Liz to have a 6 AM class. I didn't know they offered those except in very specific circumstances. Either that or Liz has a 6 PM class but that would mean Peter went to bed at 7 PM and woke up at 9. It threw me off a bit.
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Post by Drake on Sept 11, 2014 20:21:05 GMT -5
Sorry about Acme Labs. I'm a sucker for the original stuff. As for the dialogue, I was trying to go in the vein of semi-realistic dialogue in that there is some fluff. It happens.
1. I'll tone it down in the future, if only because I really need to chill out with the hair color thing. I don't know why I used it so often.
2. I thought Spidey called him that first, just, y'know, as a joke...My bad if he didn't.
3. I'll have to check it out, but that might just be a genuine continuity error. To be fair, Liz isn't in New York. She's going to college a while away.
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Post by Drake on Oct 1, 2014 14:31:15 GMT -5
#3 is up! Sorry if it's a bit rushed.
I was originally going to end this arc on a much different note, but I've decided to take Spider-Man on a slightly different route. Just as my original Darkest Nights led in to Spider War, Regenesis now leads up to the real story......
A mega arc begins. I got two words for ya.
Clone Saga.
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Post by Drake on Oct 1, 2014 14:58:05 GMT -5
Somehow I missed copying and pasting my little "after credits scene" with Toomes, so it's up now. Sorry 'bout that.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 1, 2014 18:49:05 GMT -5
An "amazing" issue! I gotta say, you have JJJ down flat. Every bit of dialouge from him is natural and cohesive. As I read each word from him, I can clearly hear J.K. Simmons' voice. One thing you need to work on is your characterization of Peter. He sounds way too peppy. This works well when he's in the spidey-suit, but when he's not, it doesn't. Don't take this the wrong way. In broad strokes, your characterization of Peter is better than some from actual professional writers. It could be that I'm too hung up on BMB's Ultimate Spider-Man. Loved that ending, and I'm very excited for what's next.
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Post by Drake on Oct 1, 2014 20:23:35 GMT -5
By peppy I'm assuming you mean a bit too jubilated and jokey. If not, please expound on that a bit.
I'm glad you liked it! The action really heightens from here.
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Post by thejellyfish on Oct 1, 2014 22:15:31 GMT -5
That damn Parker l- oh wait, it was Felicia.
I liked this. Still as good as ever, but I guess we're just waiting for the big changes to happen in the next issue. Also, still waiting to see what Harry's thing he wanted to talk about was, but that can wait.
I'm interested in seeing where you go with tying in the Spider-Man of the All-Star Universe into the Spider-Verse crossover.
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Post by Drake on Oct 2, 2014 11:37:18 GMT -5
Thanks for the review! Spidey's status quo changes big time next ish. Also, Harry's "problem" will be answered too!
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